I thought the one third from left, front row, was labeled “Babies.” They smell great, but only sometimes.

Dear Lord that is the best interview. I saw Episode IV in the theater when I was 5. I made my mom fix my (long, dark brown) hair in two side buns for the rest of kindergarten. Also—wore a ringer tee with a Threepio and Artoo iron on decal. That’s right. The love has never died.

Truly, that set furniture is a tribute to the Golden Age of Rattan. We had a coffee table like that when I was a kid.

“Our favorite pie and yours, too, I guess.”

Hard g’s are for commies.

Von Queso.

“there’s a tremendous responsibility that we all have just to not be fucking ignorant.”

Okay okay. But can we all agree that DiCaprio in that godawful beard is no one’s type?

This is his Madame Tussaud’s figure, right? RIGHT? Weirdest picture of him I have ever seen.

I want to watch this, in a way, but I can’t. I know that the vicarious TV embarrassment will kill me. So awful.

Has anyone asked Sarah Silverman about this? I bet she’s not fucking him anymore.

So the fairy tales are true! Birds picking the lentils from the ashes for Cinderella, all of Snow White’s little animal friends doing the cleaning, and now phone-fetching dolphins.

I wholeheartedly endorse this assessment.

You have an aura about you, aggenttremble. You may be the one.

Why does nothing this hilarious ever happen to me? What must I do, Universe?

My date to senior prom asked me at the frozen yogurt shop. Why yes, it was the 80’s.

Wait a minute...I saw that episode of Bones, Tempie.

Pork BBQ restaurant adjacent, naturally. No moos-lams!

That is one crazy-capturin’ pic there. Well done.

Now THAT is doing God’s work.