So.... It's going to be just like the three original TMNT movies then?

Oh you are absolutely right, more than likely, you would have to switch gender roles and be the 'sexual aggressor' in a manner of speaking. And no, that isn't the term I envisioned using, I just haven't had coffee yet.

It's actually anatomy, as in, Science. I was being satirical with the edginess, since you know, this is Jezebel and we men usually take a beating when we comment on female anatomy with only a, "well my girlfriend agrees" to back it up. No big deal.

Much like we can't know how it feels to push a melon through a grape-sized hole, you will never know what it feels like to have two grapes swell up to the size of Ping Pong balls and physically ache and throb because of it. So don't go commenting on shit you don't know girl, feel me?

Oh, you!

Jesus Erin, what took you so long? I've been waiting all day to sound the warhorn against Goodell here on Jezebel! This has to be one of the single most boneheaded moves by an organization that commonly makes less sense than Todd Akin talking about Vaginas. I thought that the concussion crisis was bad, but in a…

Basically, in the NFL, it's better to beat the absolutely ever loving shit out of your wife than to smoke a joint. Great Priorities Goodell.

Hi Nerdy Girl, Plezbo here. No no, not here to offer you sex, I am definitely not the guy you are looking for, and you seem too smart and good of a person for me to make moves on. Instead, I will give you some advice. Go search for some Computer/Electrical Engineers (my field) I work with a bunch of guys who are…

I mean, you make fun of the Benghazi hearings, but no one says anything about the liberal media spending more time on 'Bridge Gate' than on 'Holy shit 4 Americans including our Ambassador were murdered in a terrorist attack that the Administration can't seem to get it's story straight on.'

I mean, that's nice and all, but Elsa would still win in a fight.

I'm lactose intolerant and find milk substitutes to be disgusting. I have not tasted one of those nasty fakers that wasn't some form of white sewer water. Kefir is the closest I'll get anymore, its basically just drinkable yogurt. Lactaid milk is also soul-free, and I need some soul in my damn milk. Ah fuck it…

As a man, I live my life by the motto, "I just don't give a fuck" for 90% of scenarios. I don't understand why more women don't join this lifestyle, it is fucking excellent. Not that I'm telling you what to do ladies.

cassiebearRAWR, don't you know that the Gawker family of websites comments section is a Sarcasm/Satire Free Zone?

Yes, you are. You are saying that because he is black, he MUST only have one opinion. That is, by definition, RACIST. You aren't very intelligent.

And you hemming him into an opinion because of the color of his skin is just downright racist. I'm very fiscally Conservative, but have no problem with who you stick your dick in as long as they are 1)willing and 2)over 18. I wish that Tony had a more pleasant opinion because it is 2014, I am not going to sit here…

Here is where I point out that there was never a silent clock for Sherry Palmer. I'll just see myself out.

Jason, don't feed the trolls, haven't you ever seen Gremlins? Same rules apply, except trade in 'ever' for 'after midnight'.

Eh... You know what's worse? A plane full of people meeting a horrible, firey death because the birds ended up being turned into ground poultry in the engines. Liberals.... Save the birds, fuck the people.

Honestly, he did this woman and her friends a favor. You know what you get a at a club like this? Rape, lots of rape. With a side of possible rufie overdose, VD, and unwanted pregnancy. Good looks to this guy for subtly warning her to keep her friends safe.

Damn you, I laughed out loud at work and had to explain myself.