Love MK 64, but MK7 was my favorite game on the 3DS until Pokemon X and Y came out. Love me some glider. Also, loved ruining people online without cheating.

Chipotle isn't the worst, especially in Newark, DE, but nothing is good enough to be this fucking smarmy. You know who I have more respect for than Chipotle now? McDonalds, they know who they are.

EVE is one of those games that sounds fucking awesome but I would probably quit in 3 days because of shit like this.

Xixzegznan Shepard, hero of humanity, scourge of all those who stand in his path. Beat that fuckers.

Well, due to this current administration's lack of vision, we can't even go to space anymore. So, I'm skeptical that the ISS will be operational post 2020. Hey, lets nerf the most important agency on the face of the planet AND make Plezbo lose his health insurance, Thanks Obama.

That's why you need to get a few already-broken Wiimotes from Ebay. Keep them close so you can wing them at the wall when that Blue Shell ruins your about-to-be-perfect Lightening Cup Run.

My inner MK Fanboy was already starting to rebel after your first sentence. I was being that guy. Thankfully I read your entire article and am now even more excited for this game. I'll be 30 this year, and the thing I look forward to most is Mario Kart 8 coming out in 3 Fridays. Just don't tell that to the lady…

Good point. I hope to the Old Gods that he has multiple backups though. Right now the future of the franchise hinges on a 25+ year old hard drive.

You know what, good for you. I am glad to hear that you like your profession and are well adjusted since many would have us believe that all Porn Stars are mentally ill and forced into the profession by abusive relationships and drug abuse.

Minor injuries? Did you see the tears in his flesh at the end of that video? Any animal that does that to a child needs to be put down.

I mean, lets just start off with the HORRIBLE mismanagement of Gambit and Deadpool. Taylor Kitsch shouldn't be allowed near anything but an opening scene death ever again, but what a horrible way to piss off XMen fans than to cast the male Kristen Stewart as one of the most charismatic characters in the XMen…

I'm thinking this is fake, but I laughed anyway.

Whistleblowing was fine, running away with our countries secrets and divulging them to our enemies has earned him two small caliber bullets to the back of the head. For which I would be happy to pull the trigger.

Depending on how slutty she is, there could be a lot more than two more.

You have obviously read none of the comics, ESPECIALLY not the mid 90s ones. Of course he never said fuck in the cartoons or earlier movies, but this is as in character as character gets.

Yeah, you will enjoy it more that way I believe.

Actually, think of the hilarity that would ensue. Mandate that a bunch of racist rednecks have to face only black judges and juries. I'd pay to see that reality show.

Umm... I'm guessing you didn't read this recently, so do yourself a favor and don't read it, just let it come naturally. His champion and that champion's fate are obviously very important, and if you can't remember who it was, just wait and drink it in on screen.

Is Elsa the next Browns QB?

Also, telling people to eat healthy and exercise, HUGE no no on the Gawker family of websites. I'M HEALTHY OBESE DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!