Seriously the GRIMMEST sext experience is sitting there listening to your friend give you an unrequested play-by-play, giggling, while your eyes glaze over and you wonder if you will explode from downing an entire pint of beer in one gulp so you can leave.

This was when predictive text had been a thing for a while, and me and my brothers were trying to get my dad to use it as it was so painful to watch his slow texting. He acquiesces, sort of, but one day storms intoy room shouting that “the phone won’t write what I tell it to write”. I go “oh let me show you...” and…

Me: “I had a sexy dream.

o_O

“Hey man, you into ice?”

I can’t remember the specifics now (it was like 7 years ago), but I had one sexting session that somehow involved deep-fryers and ended with a suggestion that I needed to keep my pubic hair trimmed better.

I read a sext convo over a woman’s shoulder on the train once. She compared the dude’s (I assume) anatomy with a sausage and went from there. Ew. Moral of the story, don’t sext when you’re hungry

“I want to push your head down really hard while you give me head”

I’ve had a good life. I was never cold. I was never hungry. I was never afraid of my parents. I’ve never been afraid of the world.

It's SO OBVIOUS! Their hats are completely different.

I am both greedy for lunch and sex so you’ll have to be a bit more discerning in this. It’s not fair to part you with your lunch money if I’d happily have sex with just about anyone who makes me laugh.

ugh these two trolls again. I’m going to paraphrase/repurpose a Yiddish expression my Grandparents used to say and go with “ May they own a house with a thousand rooms and be found dead in every one of them”.

They have a closet that is 6,000 square feet.

My house, a Victorian built in 1887, has 2,084 square feet. And we have two bedrooms that are basically not used.

And will they hire someone to make sure their fucking lizards don’t die?!?

That secret sauce should be classified as an opiate.

Nothing says "hands-on mom" like 24-hour a day nanny coverage.

Sincere question: why can’t they just attend your wedding and show their love and support in their own way without all the formality. Personally, I’d much rather spend my time and energy putting together a nicer gift!

Flushed the beta she gave me down the toilet, then returned the bowl to her house with a goldfish cracker in it. Definitely not my proudest moment.

The weed part is just...that’s a lot of wasted weed :( he must have really fucked you over though so congrats on the vengeance. I’ve wanted to do the same thing to my current bf a couple (more than a couple) of times but I just always end up smoking it.