Okay, so you get me. I didn’t have the pleasure of seeing this asshole before it harassed me, but my childhood house had a scorpion infestation and once one fell from the ceiling onto my head. Because the infestation was a known event (I kept glue traps for mice around the perimeter of my room to catch them—top count…

Personally, I have nothing against house centipedes; they hunt other bugs and generally mind their own business. Usually I let them be. Back when I was still living with my folks, my bedroom and bathroom were in the basement, so I encountered them often.

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I love a good bug story.

I just laughed my ass off.

And that’s why I let him live for so long! Ultimately, he just went too far.

I was just involved in a weeks-long war of attrition with a giant Spider Bro. He kept turning up in the creepiest places and worst times, but the final straw was when I was washing my face, look up in the mirror, and like a god damn horror movie he was on the door right fucking behind me. Got the vacuum and ended him…

FUUUUUCK THAT.

This is kind of scary, but the scariest part of this story is how awful my taste in men was/is.

When my husband and I got engaged, I was living with a roommate. To save money for the wedding, rather than re-upping my lease, I moved back into my childhood home. This meant my parents and grandparents (who lived there) were always keeping an eye out to be sure we weren’t fornicating.

So, being creative, young…

This is not my story, but my best friend’s, and I’m sharing with his blessing. (Re-post from last year.)

I’ve only got the one, so I suppose I’ll tell it again:

I am going to take you out of the greys just so people can mock you for how little you know about the US Constitution.

Okay, as a regular traveller in East Africa, this pisses me off possibly more than it should:

Part of me wants her to win the lawsuit and be awarded $0 so she understands how it feels to be a slave.

Bitch.... Michelle O accomplished more in her life BEFORE she became first lady than you and your whole tornado bait trailer trash family have ever even read about. Double Ivy League Graduate. Lawyer. Hospital Administrator. Mother. Go getter. Accomplisher of many things, not the least of which is to be married to a…

True story - what’s even sadder for that beer vendor is that his job doesn’t even provide enough to allow him to go back to his home in Kansas to visit his father. His dad had to use some of his retirement savings to travel to Landover just to be able to see his boy.

I absolutely love that moment as she says “ambulance”. Zoe’s grip on the back of his neck tightens ever so slightly, just as his lips tighten up in tandem with his own sphincter...

You can’t “steal” a QBing job. You win it through hard work. It’s not like it’s a crab leg.

Nobody said he had to be fitted into it in a single piece.