I WANT TO DRINK OPUS ONE WITH THE NOTORIOUS RBG. Even if she doesn't remember what it's called.

You lead off with that ill-informed, insulting garbage and then whine about being piled on after two corrections directly from the site's writers without ad hominem? Seriously, how does that jibe in your mind?

The fact that Palin is on here and Huntsman isn't even in their top 30(ish) says so goddamn much about everything.

A Gish Gallop is where you throw out many arguments, usually in a timed debate, and declare victory when all your points are not fully addressed. What you're referring to, and I disagree that's the case even then, is moving the goalposts and/or strawmanning.

That's... not at all what a gish gallop is.

Christ, man. Whatever the opposite of a Red Bull is, have one. You have been way too worked up about this for, what, a week now?

True. Like what killed the dinosaurs? Was it a giant meteor impact that created a giant cloud of dust, drastically cooling the planet, slowly killing off sources of food from the smallest insect gradually up to the apex predators, or was it Danny Glover?

Maybe if you'd mentioned any of that in your original post, you wouldn't have sounded so dang stupid.

Literally any explanation other than this guy and this bathroom were involved.

Essentially, all things being equal, the simpler option between two answers is usually the correct one.

Not even Ocean's Eleven schemes were this complicated. Your princess is in another castle, dude.

This one's been on Jez for years, usually under an everchanging handle with the word "nobody" in it. I really, really don't know why she keeps coming back here... unless her doctor told her that her blood pressure was too low and that raging at feminists would clear that right up.

Also a good one... my user name. Dutch for "place-replacing shame." Aka feeling shame on behalf of someone who is too oblivious to feel it themselves.

I like how you'd rather make a long-distance armchair diagnosis through a TV screen than actually listen to someone who knew the guy pretty intimately. Makes you sound super reasonable.

Other greatest hits from Heath Evans:

Kimo Birchwood, at your service. I specialize in lumberjack fantasies.

You're in big trouble if say anything about Bill Belichick, mister man. Huge trouble.

Deadspin commenters were doing this long before Hunter Pence, chief.

You're the online equivalent of the 70 year old man who writes a Letter to the Editor every week about how his soup at the K&W Cafeteria is too hot.

Police: We've rounded up these 15 suspects. Would you be able to point out the one that did this?