As a former restaurant worker, cook, and writer myself, this advice makes for the absolute worst sort of person. Few things brought me more joy in life than shutting down someone trying to make "Grandma's Lemonade" at their table with a saucer full of lemon wedges and Splenda.

It was certainly a hell of a lead-in for this one! I think it might be about time to submit a couple of my stories from my serving days as well. No dicks involved, though, unfortunately.

How... how long did it take you to save up these dick stories? I'm setting the O/U at 1 week.

My favorite part is Batum just slowly walking back on defense a good 5 seconds before Lillard even takes the shot. Like an action star walking away from an explosion.

Cutting a mango: Cut it lengthwise along the pit so you have a disc of mango with the pit inside and two convex ends (like contact lenses). Slide the edge of a drinking glass between the peel and the fruit... the fruit'll pop right off into the glass and leave pretty much only the peel in your hand. You can jimmy the…

Love seeing Dink Smallwood on this list... an incredibly deep mod community sprung up around that game. I probably sunk at least 100 hours into fan-built adventures in addition to the classic storyline. Maybe the greatest freeware ever released.

I'm also curious as to why a business school is inviting a man who wears a four-in-hand tie knot with a medium-spread collar. That's a business casual no-no.

Not me personally, but two buddies of mine have gotten roofies (ostensibly) intended for a woman.

Another good one: while recovering from a legendary hangover, I had the most insane craving for chocolate milk. I downed a pint glass of it in pretty much one go, then another pint of regular milk to get the sickeningly sweet chocolate taste out of my mouth.

I once took a double shot of cheap whiskey at a club, then took another for my roommate because she couldn't finish hers. I immediately barfed up both, in a half-and-half mix with my earlier cheeseburger, but managed to contain almost all of it in my mouth. The next few seconds were me trying to force it back in…

This had the same effect on Gronk that pretending to throw a tennis ball but actually hanging onto it does on my dog.

Once you're done putting words in my mouth, mind tossing a pretzel or two in there? I'm late for lunch. Thanks!

Am I cool with it? No. Do I understand it purely by the definition of the word? Yes. Do I think your response is disproportionate to what I've said? Absolutely.

Hah, fine. I'm an idiot or a liar, and your caps lock is broken.

"Maybe don't be a monster who has sex with kids?"

My understanding (can't find the cite at the moment, but I read it while digging in to Scott Adkins' recent work online) behind the face paint was that JCVD was ailing when he was supposed to film his fight scene, so the director went with the crazy war paint to swap in a stunt double, then bring in JCVD for the…

Joan Rivers not a football fan. She asked Aikman that day how many fingers she was holding up.

I've had it in my queue for what feels like years, and you just talked me into watching it.

"Wait, THOSE are the Vikings cheerleaders? Get Spielman on the line." - Mark Sanchez

Can or can't? Because the evidence is point heavily towards the latter, here.