I stole a car... back.

Three years ago, at the end of a long night working for a construction company, I returned to the main office in the company box-truck. Before unloading or clocking out, I needed to poop first. I parked in the alley by the rear door and went inside. Just a few short minutes later I stepped back outside to find the…

Back in 2008, my parents searched the whole county for my mom’s perfect car. They finally found it in Vermont, and drove the 2004 Audi A6 Quattro Avant in bright red back to Omaha. The car had only been in Omaha a week or two when my dad took it to a shop to have a remote start installed. Long story short, someone…

I get a call at the office from my insurance company one day telling me that they’ve recovered my stolen car. I tell them they must be mistaken because I didn’t report a car stolen - then they begin to verify my information and it just starts crushing me as I realize it’s actually my car that was stolen the night…

I was doing door lock actuators on this old e34 I had. Took the handles and locks off at night while waiting for parts the next day. Someone broke into my car during the night (seeing that the car didn’t have door handles). The thief stole........ 3 new double A batteries from the glove box and threw a bunch a papers…

It’s all fun and games until Blizzard releases the next D.Va skin and it’s just her face covered in Dorito’s cheese.

Ditto.

Delicious neckbeard tears.

One camelback full of whiskey? ONE CAMELBACK FULL OF WHISKEY! What good is ONE camelback full of whiskey? Edit: Oh- on the way to work! Yeah, that will work.

Kinja isn’t letting me edit my erroneous post listing Judge Dredd instead of Demolition Man. Surely, I’ll get 15+ replies correcting me before they note I’ve already seen the error of my ways. I will immediately pick up a user manual for the Three Sea Shells, so as not to further embarrass myself.

That is Demolition Man. Be calm and use the seashells.

How to get a job with the LAPD.

I think the uptime would already be better with the Tesla versus what they would have now. Imagine what percentage of the tank of gas is currently wasted by idling! You don’t really use anything to idle in a Tesla.

This better get the love it deserves. Or a beating, either is fine.

I’ve always thought a performance electric car would be great for police use. Most of the time, at least where I’m from, police cars are just parked next to the road idling. I can’t imagine how many tens of thousands of dollars are wasted in 0 MPG activities per car over the course of a year. With an electric car,…

LAPD charged with battery.

Tesla probably wants to know how their cars will survive in long term heat, high mileage, frequent charging, and generally rough environments. I'm surprised they haven't given a few to taxi companies.

I would beg the Sorting Hat to put me in Tellerpenn