The Manboy Who Lived.

He keeps the Monkey Puppet horcrux in Tom Brady's vault, where every time you touch one of the Uggs, they mutiply.

I still don't quite get the beast mode thing. In the original Beast Wars: Transformers cartoon the Maximals and Predicons typically used beast mode for regular travel or protection from energon radiation. Sure it could be useful but switching to robot mode let them use jet packs and rocket launchers.

Doritos? Really America? Really?! That's where you want to plant your snack flag? Powdered "cheese" faux-tilla chips over real Goddamned cheese and delicious crackers like Triscuits or Town House or motherfucking Wheat Thins?!? You chose that XXXTREME garbage over the delicious, salty, baked cheese flavor of…

I am a massive internet embarrassment

The idiots who killed that option are the same mouthbreathers who posted pictures of Ritz and Cracker Barrel cubes yesterday. Fucking goddamned morons who haven't had cheese and crackers since Aunt Flossie put them out on Palm Sunday in 1979 and Uncle Edbert yelled at them for crunching too loudly while he was trying…

The people who voted for Nacho Cheese Doritos over cheese and crackers are goddamn savages.

Have any of you neaderthals even been to grocery store? Next time you do go to your cracker section and then go to the cheese section and then go home and kill yourself because you realize how stupid you have been.

Force the Pats to be on Hard Knocks for the next two seasons. Belichick would lose his fucking mind.

Cheese and Crackers is the only item in the cheese category that is actually cheese (if it's not what you pictured above."

It's almost like people don't understand that cheese and crackers can be expanded beyond this.

And I offer you Scottie Pippen dunking a sandwich.

Europe: HA HA, America can't make a good sports car still!

I'm more rejecting that reality than claiming you are wrong

"Your sister is Forever 21 to me, bro."

"Yeah, let's encourage a fucking Wall. Just wait until he has eight illegitimate kids from eight mothers."

Cowboys getting away with things is nothing new. Look at history: Billy the Kid! Jesse James! That dead-eyed ginger puppet with a terribly offensive slang-name for human feces who sang to children in the 1940's! Not enough concerned parents, that's the real problem! Too much loud music and sex talk! Low pants and…

Why do they call it "taking a shit" instead of "leaving a shit"?

[Jay Cutler double clicks on Internet Explorer.]