** Unless the person to be teabagged had a high-school crush on the Aluminum Monster.

When do you get free from the pirates?

Is it sad that I've spent an inordinate amount of time (unsuccessfully) trying to find the Happy Housewives bathtub scene on the internet, so that I could relive an early masturbatory experience?

Deleted because Always Winning beat me to it. Fuck that guy, he's always winning.

Does Chris realize the irony of calling someone else "douche-tastic"?

If hating Tim Tebow is wrong, just call me Pontius Pilate.

Hey, I know Daralene Jones! We had 9th grade English class together! Man, I remember her getting pissed at our teacher one day. Something about a reading assignment promoting cannibalism of Irish babies, I don't remember the details.

Shhh - I'm married too, but we're not supposed to let the "once every three weeks" secret out of the bag, or we'll never convince our single friends to get married so that we can go to Vegas bachelor parties.

Note to all married people: It's not a drunken hookup failure if you then get to have sex with that person approximately 1,824 additional times over the course of your lives together.

There was one night back in 1991 that everyone expected Billy Owens to score with her, but shockingly she went home with some player from Richmond instead.

+1

Second only to the Northern Arizona Masters of Business and Law Academy

"Despite Everything That's Going On Around You, The Tacoma Narrows Bridge Is Still One Of the Greatest Architectural Accomplishments In The Motherfucking World."

He opined that the thief either stole it for drug money, or is Mark Eaton.

Hence the joke.

Your comment is funny, but the unapproved commenter who didn't get the joke is funnier still.

The voice I hear when I read that quote is Alec Baldwin doing Tony Bennett.

And now, according to the paper, we might very well see the two administrators wriggle free from that count on a technicality.

The request for $75,000 is meaningless - just the jurisdictional minimum that must be plead in order to get a case in federal court. Not that its significant, just mentioning it since the amount of the claim was highlighted in the story.

Short version: