I remember masturbating at a young age and being embarrassingly indiscreet about where I did it. Whoops!

And then the doorbell rings on TV and the dog goes insane with the barking, or it would if it were my dog. She will also check behind the TV to see if the doorbell ringer is hiding behind it. You crazy dogs, you're not so smart.

Oh...now I'm a little disappointed because that's not a thing :(

Are pomegranates even native to Germany? Of all the food stereotypes I have learned about tonight, that is undoubtedly the weirdest.

I jumped off the vegetarian wagon for some homemade fried chicken and I don't regret it at all. It smelled amazing and I was so hungry. I mean, I was super gassy afterwards but it was fine. That chicken was all kinds of crispy.

Yeah, but if it's a side dish that means I have to cook other things that it can go on the side of, and I already spent all that time grating cheese. Basically, the only way that mac and cheese is going to be a side is if somebody else is cooking food for the main.

Ugh. You're just ruining a good mac and cheese casserole when you throw that disgusting sea monster in there. You put vegetables and chopped up hot peppers in the mac and cheese, and that cancels out the unhealthyness of all that cheese.

Yeah that is news to me, and also the cream cheese thing. What does it mean if I am willing to eat the cream cheese straight out of the container without even waiting for the bagel? Before I would have said it means I don't care much about my heart and/or arteries, and now I don't even know.

The fact that the driver didn't kill anyone doesn't really make what she was doing less horrible. It looks more like one or both of them had to make a very sudden stop to avoid hitting each other. There is nothing worse than someone behind the wheel of a car who is clearly not thinking about the kind of responsibility…

With all due respect, I don't think CDinDC is asking for anyone's pity.

The one by M. Pemulis deserves to go down in history among the truly great Amazon joke reviews....I hope.

Woah...that statue looks like something Cthulhu is supposed to wake up when the time comes. Mermaids are creepy.

Aaaaaaand shimmy!

Michael Caine is the older uncle I have always wanted.

The shih tzu is in the running for mascot dog of fabulous gay couples everywhere.

I can no longer tell the difference between N*Sync songs and Backstreet Boys songs unless they specifically state the name of the band in the song.

That could be one of those cartoon bits from an old episode of Monty Python. I bet it would make a really satisfying, farty squash noise.

Are you being paid by 20th Century Fox or something?

Batman Forever is indeed the best of the Joel Schumacher Batman films...not really a high bar but it's something.

That sentence is meaningless! Meaningless!