I didn't enter this in the original, because it's really not my story to tell, but it was the single grossest experience of my life. And I deal with explosive bottom kittens and cats.

My brother likely has a cow's protein intolerance. I know this because my daughter does too and his symptoms match hers exactly. My…

I have to agree, this wasn't quite the grossest thing I've ever read or experienced, but then, I'm a nurse with great experience in Interventional Proctology. But as first efforts go, it's not bad. Here's a pro tip for all: don't dig in your pooper with your fingers on a daily basis. It leads to prolapse of the anus.…

This ruined my whole year.

Excellent piece. Thanks, Matt. The subtyping from this year's H3N2 are so far equally split between the H3N2 "Texas" strain (used in this year's vaccines) and the H3N2 "Switzerland" strain. The Swiss strain was apparently used as an antigen in the Southern Hemisphere vaccine this year. Will that match affect the…

Whoa dude. Don't forget about Meth. That shit is delicious. And also deadly. But mostly delicious.

Torch, man, I just want to say, with no sleight to your colleagues intended whatsoever: you are by far the best writer on Jalopnik.

We had just gotten our first Mac, and I didn't understand how to cover my tracks in Safari. So I roughed up the suspect one night and tried to close everything. My wife woke me up the next morning with, "We need to talk." I was like WTF? Anyway she brings the laptop in the room and shows me some cartoon Incredible…

Shut up and take my money.

That's like boxed Mac and cheese advertising as "serves four". I have never in my life shared boxed Mac and cheese with even one other person, let alone three. A box each, please.

I did some pushups once. CRAZY day man. Crazy.

Yes, see, 'cause if the gubment gets uppity, something something assault rifle beats predator drone.

Ditto. I'm all "...s'mores? For breakfast? OKAY!!"

i suspect this is mostly an attempt to get people like me to buy their crap food, in which case they nailed it. mission accomplished. i haven't had a graham cracker in over a decade, but i will adopt a steady diet of them immediately. love love love.

The hits just keep on coming!

Yes, I'll have the Feel Burger with an extra large order of cries.