An NFL player could go to the club with a Bluetooth in his ear, a wedding ring and a cold sore, and still pull tail. They don't need wing men.

"This topic has been covered in depth already. He's my teammate and I support him like I do every other teammate. Do you have any questions about football that you'd like to ask me?"

1/10, not believable at all. Try harder.

She wrote for the AV Club, huh? Well, she of all people knows that when you someone eat it.

This is so stupidly funny. Stupid, but funny.

Although, 250 of them came when Russell Simmons went on TV to promote SUG, his new clothing line.

Do you mean 35 years ago?

Kate Upton asked about skipping her shoot and giving me a handy in the DQ parking lot.

The airplane is like a football that he threw to one of his receivers but was instead caught by an opposing defensive player.

Yeah, show that little faggot who the real man is, by putting your balls on his face! Sweet brah.

In the muggers/beaters defense, he was an adult dressed like a superhero.

That cat died a little while later.

Professional underwear models aside, is there any circumstance in which a man looks better in tighty whiteys than in boxers or boxer briefs? They're the granny panties of the male species.

Let me guess. Your penis.

In the time since you posted that, Robert Pollard wrote 19 songs.

It's not cool of Mario Lopez to not attribute that quote to whomever he stole it from. Because I guarantee he didn't come up with that himself.

This is just like in the movie Airplane!

I could never tell if that woman was crying with despair or laughing. It's kind of disturbing. But good pull anyway.

I spent an extra year in college and an additional $15k in tuition to get a journalism degree, and realized within a year of graduating that I would never get the job I wanted and that I had made a big mistake. It's disappointing to look back and wish you could start over and pursue something else. But then again it's…