I'm white, but that doesn't look like blackface to me...?

UN makes no comments about car safety regulations.

lol there aren’t any UN regulations. You mean ECE?

Being electrocuted.

"I trusted you."

Did this to my roommate once. He ate like six of them before he noticed.

Now I'm starting to think that the author didn't know that Val was married to Eddie. I mean ... that's the whole joke. Eric Stonestreet tells "some lady" to get out of the way. She turns around and it's the ex-wife of Van Halen's legendary guitarist, and mother of its current bassist. That's why it's funny!

Thanks Kenny - it's really good to have your support, especially when I'm constantly surround by reminders of OH GOD THE HUMMUS JOKES

Deadspin's not responsible for the dark chapters of your life, Captain. Some of us have addiction in our pasts, doesn't mean they shouldn't do articles on drug busts in the sports world. This is the same thing. No one is denying your severe trauma. God, believe me, what you've been through horrifies us all. It's just…

You don't mess with the Whammy

I understand LeBron has an issue with the guy. But surely there was a more professional way to go about this then sitting in the locker room mumbling "nowhammy,nowhammy,nowhammySTOP!"

"You don't mess with the Whammy."

I honestly can't argue with that logic. My roommate at the time gave me the massive bag of candy corn and I took it to work in the hopes of getting rid of it.

To be fair, people panic when confronted with the sight of someone eating candy corn. It's like walking in on someone eating live worms. You're not thinking right, you're just panicking and trying not to hurl. ;)

A kid who was late to my class once said that he was helping someone out of a burning building. I laughed and told him to take a seat. You have to begrudgingly admire someone with the chutzpah to try to pull off such a dumb and blatantly made up excuse.

I had to stay late at work one day and the only two people there were myself and the owner of the company I worked for. It was around Halloween time and I had a huge bag of candy corn. Once the owner notices that I'm still at work we have the following conversation.

I believe you are making the observation that Deadspin is not a right-wing publication. And in your eyes, anything that is not a right-wing publication contains "liberal bias."

A confused Wayne Rooney keeps wondering why he can't swipe the picture right.

Like I said. You go to Wrigley Field. You don't go to see the baseball game. Other fans shouldn't be punished for your inability to draw your eyes away from the tantalizing glitter of a giant TV.