“I know I am a better person than this”

I honestly can't decide if this would be too scary or not scary enough.

I mean two points spring immediately to mind:

Do we need a replacement for balloons?

Are balloons *really* a form of entertainment?

The Slobfather

There’s a sizable portion of America that is actually opposed to things like education, competence, and intellectual excellence. This is what happens when you characterize all higher education as de facto liberal brainwashing.

The president is fully endorsing the code of the fucking mafia.

Birds are not the best animal, if one had to pick the best animal. This is true for many reasons: they are feathery little dinosaurs, with razor claws and beaks for pecking (eyes out). They love to execute rude tricks like pooping on a human at the beach while another bird friend steals their french fries.

I think you’d probably be a lot happier in life if you didn’t approach all your interactions as if they were auditions for the debate team. Just some friendly advice.

“I am not asking you to do that”

“I also find it amusing that you are, I am sure, perfectly willing to criticize Christianity, but would be much more hesitant to level similar critiques at the “God” of Islam, the “God” of Judaism, or the “God(s)“ of Hinduism“ 

^{Menstruation is offensive to God.}

If I had said any of the things that you seem to think I said, my response might be ironic.

Hoo boy, careful not to strain yourself stretching so much.

Nah, all the kinds of Bible God. Having your son born of a virgin is a big flashing sign that you are grossed out by biological fertility.

To be fair though, the Christian God has always sort of hated human life. It makes sense that he would find breasts offensive.

When we said we wanted more funding for space, this isn’t what we meant.

I honestly can’t tell if the people funding this ad are doing so because they hope that the special counsel will find enough dirt to justify ousting Trump, or because they are die-hard Trump supporters who are stubbornly refusing to acknowledge that Mueller might actually be trouble for Trump.

Here’s a poem from Edna St. Vincent Millay:

“I’m not at all implying that they deserved to be murdered, but”

I fucking hate you.