He better be tap-dancing in heels, yo

Which is why it really bothers me that (as someone who lives in Iowa City/ works in Coralville) I’m already so sick of friends distracting from the issue by doing the who “I was almost going to go to the mall today!! It could have been me!!!” shit. This was not a random crime.

To be fair it’s sort of hilarious how peripheral she actually was to experiencing the things she lied about. She wasn’t raised in a teepee, but her parents lived in one a few years before her birth. She hasn’t been to South Africa, but her parents/siblings have been. She doesn’t have a black son, but her black adopted…

I had to say that caption aloud an absurd amount of times to get the joke, then realized that there’s nothing that inherently clever about “looking for my keys.” It’s like a phrase that would come up on Wheel of Fortune and you’re like “I GUESS that’s a thing...”

Definitely, and since they’re often committed way way in advance you see about a year’s worth of promotions for “Neil Diamond at Summerfest!” and the like.

I’m white with super thick unruly wavy hair and I’m positive that I could never coax my hair into looking so textured.

Judgement aside, this whole ruse is fucking fascinating.

She probably similarly describes herself as “well-spoken and not at all thuggish.”

I mean like probably 90% of people, I learned about her from this controversy, and definitely because of that immediately thought “well yeah, she looks so fucking white.” But I’m also self conscious to be thinking that way because there are probably plenty black/biracial people who I could look at under that headline…

I mean, as non-stories/publicity stunts go, at least he’s on the right side of the fence.

Eh, I don’t know if he’s going to have the same musical historical impact 5, 10, 50 years from now as these actors in a netflix original series.

Now, they just need to offer delivery!

Also unlikely that he got there within the 10 minute window that the mother was alone, with no trace of a vehicle, took her wallet and phone and drove them away in her car...

Right, real manly men don’t like vaginas.

Yeah what exactly would her style be “paired” with, even

Go Kylie! The most infuriating thing about the Caitlyn Jenner backlash isn’t the Usual Suspect Bigots™ chiming in, it’s all the people (famous or not) claiming that Jenner isn’t worth talking about because there are OTHER heroes and attention can’t possibly be given to more than one person or issue at once.

*Czech. Your check is in Czech.

My middle name (with a C and I in the appropriate places) agrees with you!

Man, you seem to lose a lot of sleep thinking about penises.

Right, it’s the difference between scolding/teaching vs legal/criminal action.