I've worked in kitchens. I'm very understanding with restaurant staff. Anytime that I have slipped any used anything close to a "term" with them I get the largest deer in headlights look ever. I'm not entirely convinced that these words are words because of this.

How the fuck does someone put on weight in a Peruvian prison?

I am as white as white whitity-whitewhitewhite. Snow feels unkempt around me. I was frequently mistaken for an albino as a small child. I get a sunburn after 10 minutes in direct sunlight. Pro tip: One of those are only jokes.

Holy crap, slow down a little bit Mr. Machinegun.

I do that on battlelog, but then again my Xbox and my PC are connected to the same TV so it's not like I can do it when I get the urge to play.

"If my friend tells me he went to meet up with a friend to go to a concert, that friend robbed him, he went to the concert with him anyway and then the friend robbed him again after the concert - fuck no I would not believe my friend was a victim of a crime."

I have bank cards and a phone on me, but other than that no. I'm not worried, though, since as part of immigration the government here has every bit of my biometric data. I wouldn't be sitting around as a John Doe for long.

What you're saying is all fine and good, but this isn't a testimony: this is slander. It's specifically intended to defame individuals on the basis of supposed guilt of crimes (felony sex crimes at that) without evidence, trial, or due process. That's illegal. Stating "not all of these people are rapists" is…

I can't remember the last time I saw someplace take American Express...

I never have ID with me unless I specifically expect to need it. I'm a permanent resident in a foreign country so I have a resident card (which would be more of a disaster to lose than to not have on me), a passport (even worse to lose), and a foreign driving license (which I can use here, but don't. also, every…

Huh. I have nothing worthwhile to contribute at this point, other to say that I've met this guy before. Didn't know him from Bob until now, though.

My god I fucking hate this meme, but that made me laugh.

It's entirely down to timing. A lot of days, like today, I don't eat a lot. Then this past weekend I make breaded chicken breasts (half-breasts) and tomato pasta (I'm not going to go into great detail because it's 3am, but it's been one of the best dishes I've made in months). I went through three whole breasts…

....are you my aunt and uncle? Hello for overseas if you are; call me sometime, it's been years.

I grew up in coastal Maine. I cannot stand lobster, shrimp, clams, and pretty much any kind of fish that isn't served raw with rice. I will eat scallop sashimi at literally any place that serves it. I completely believe that I've been permanently broken by shitty redneck seafood, because I will literally try…

Why thank you for that link, it was highly entertaining. A star for you.

"The guy that called and argued with me for five minutes that we were, in fact, a doctor's office and not a pizzeria.""

It's my wife's favorite swear. Then again she's from Hackney.

The best mexican I've ever had in my life was served out of the back of a converted bus by mexicans who followed the migrant workers around the country. I have never, in my life, had a better tostada.

Nah, I believe it. My wife's a foot shorter than me and small-waisted Sir Mixs Alot. We're actually about the same waist size. I'm certainly not looking at those stats and going "daym gurl, you be fat", more like "damn, that's a hell of an hourglass figure."