Yeah, but holding the velvet rope closed for Rose, Bonds, and Clemens while saying "Mr. Blylevin, good to see you, come on in" is pretty much what baseball writers masturbate to. It is the ultimate honor in their sad, sad little world.

This is Deadspin's finest moment.

They put a very, very strongly worded statement on their Geocities page, too. It's right next to the dancing baby GIF they added last week.

She's lucky to be alive, as most Oklahomans would start shooting if they saw two birds.

If you're in college and have your polo shirt tucked into salmon pants then you're eventually going to get kicked in the face. It's science.

I would pay good money to hear Brent Musburger narrate this sequence of events.

I gotta say, I find her a bit hot.

Things got even more awkward when police tried to read her rights and she vehemently insisted she "could probably" do it herself as long as she was "allowed to sound out the big ones."

I'm not sure what part of that made the guys from Century 21 come in and try to sell her a house.

Husband pulled a Fredo when he turned his back.

That's the first good kick by Bama in a while

I'd like to come up with something witty, but this just pisses me off. Fuck the Vikings.

Kluwe and Jeff Locke's stats look exactly the same. I have no idea how a team decides that burning a 5th round pick for the same stats makes sense.

Checks wallet to see if I have enough money to buy an NFL team and sign Kluwe... (Only finds two Wawa gift cards).... Damn

I was an NFL player until the Vikings could replace me with someone who could easily replicate my performance at one third of the cost.

Chris, This is a great article. Congrats on a solid NFL career.

"Statistically speaking, I am also the best punter in Vikings history,"

Putsch punt