Both of my children are internationally adopted, both abandoned in safe places where they were immediately found and taken to safety. I hope that some day they can find their parents and get answers to their questions. We celebrate their adoption days, their gotcha days, their citizenship days, and their birthdays,…

Scratch that HOW IS IT WINNING?!?!

If you think Blue Moon is anywhere near on fuckin par with Dogfish Head in terms of beer nerd status, I LAUGH AT YOU. I LAUGH AT YOU AND THEN DANCE ON BLUE MOON'S GRAVE!!!

Also, seriously, if you could just work an 80 hour week that would just be super.

I do this already. I didn't know it was a thing, I guess.

Wow. This totally explains my post-partum, winter-of-our-discontent obsession with making felt food for my daughter!!

This past Christmas as my family was visiting together and waiting for the turkey to finish cooking, my daughter and niece were sitting with my Mom (advanced Alzheimers) and they were both knitting. The effect on my Mom, who was fixated on their industrious projects, was wonderful. The whole area around their sofa was…

Oh my god. If this ceremony lasts another minute I'm going to blow my fucking brains out #LaurenandKevinsMagicalFairytale

A school in a city just outside Lynchburg, home of Liberty University, pulls this shit? Excuse me while I try to find my "surprised" expression.

I think it'd be easy to criticize the school but, in fairness, I think we all remember that bit in the bible when Jesus, dying on the cross, says "One last thing before I go, remember to be complete and total dicks to innocent little kids whenever you have the chance. Peace out, losers."

Sunnie's grandparents didn't like that very much, so they proactively took her out of school and put her in public school.

Maybe Barack is still making the girls write those reflection essays? Nothing ruins a vacation like having to write a 10 page paper on it afterwards.

I hear Obama made them all fake birth certificates.

I worked at a Burger King that was next to a McDonald's. We had so many customers ask for a Big Mac and then get mad/start swearing at us when we pointed out we were Burger King. If only I had a nickle for every time someone yelled they were looking at the McDonald's sign and we should just cut the bs and give them a…

What I Learned From Television! That is one of my favorites, but my all-time best is Return to the Scene of the Crime. I may or may not have the posters from both of those live shows hanging up in my bedroom presently...

I dress better on days that are not Monday. I guess cause a weekend with kids is more exhausting than the workweek.

I stopped giving a shit about what I was wearing around... November. By the time I get into work everything is wet and cold and awful anyway, so what does it matter? My dress pants all have a line of melted salt in them from the walk to work, and all of my sweaters are pill-y nightmares.

I can't wait for pics of TWO tiny humans cradled in his giant arms. Sorry not sorry

Clearly, she's not this Amy.