Also, don't forget to change the batteries in your smoke detectors, Jezzies!

Sure, sure...

I was going to make a post about how my kids drove me insane today and I am counting the minutes until they go to bed (18 at the moment). That's when my almost 2 year old came up, sat by me with a blanket and said "night!" looking all angelic. It's like she knew I was going to post about her hellish behavior of…

I am under five foot tall. I have short, stumpy legs and I accept that. No. Fuck "accept", I embrace that. They are strong. They are fast. A thigh gap would change those facts even if it was physically attainable by me. It is not and I am equally fine with that as well.

"Every player should go see a psychiatrist once a week upon leaving the game."

Here's my brood in their costumes!

Thanksgiving still is the champion of all holidays. "Oh, you gorged yourself on delicious turkey and stuffing? Here, have some goddamn pumpkin pie on top!!!"

My daughter's preschool (she's 3, for what it's worth) did trick or treating around the school last week and at first I was like "what the fuck why so early?" Then I noticed that she's got "trick or treat!" And "thank you happy Halloween!" down pat now. Well played, school. Well played.

Cardinals do everything the right way - except for catching Ellsbury in a run down. Seriously, that was fucking awful.

I just assumed that this was one of those awful early 2000s-era home bleach jobs that all the boys at my middle school were sporting and he was in some sort of Spiderman-esque superhero origin story that left him permanently looking like an idiot. But no, apparently he is paying someone Actual Dollars to maintain this…

Hee! I think you're dead on. This quote is the real jewel: "Princess Margaret was also reportedly not a fan. She is reported to have said: 'We had to put a stop to it - every tart in London was getting in.'"

the money looks way newer than that

Looks like Tami Taylor done drank all the wine!

"You mean roofies are frowned upon now? MY GRANDPAPPY'S LEGACY IS SMEARED!" - MRA

Presumably Canadian meth has that crisp, arctic taste - that faint hint o' tundra - that the Australian connoisseur is prepared to pay a premium for. It's the Degrassi experience!

Orlando Bloom will only be able to sexvisit her once every 10 years.

A lot of us who believe that the NT was about universal love and taught us to respect, love, and treat our fellow human beings with compassion want nothing to do with the hateful, bigoted, racist, and bullshit spewed by the likes of Phelps and his ilk. I took on a campus preacher once in college because I was so sick…

Seconded. I am a Christian, and I disgusted at how "Christians" will use the Bible to justify their own hatred and mistreatment of others under the guise of "righteousness". If you're trying to be Christlike, you are to treat all others with dignity and respect. If you're trying to be an asshole, you treat others…

As a former bartender and long-time waitress, refusing bottle service to some asshole celebrity kid would be something I would LIVE for. It would be my absolute pleasure to be the one to walk up to her and break the bad news.

Oh, Catching Fire is getting closer. Yay! Meanwhile, any other Jezzies excited about this?