See, the wonderful thing about the Big Apple is you get to fight SJP/tourists and wonder about sidewalk turds AT THE SAME TIME.

I mean, I'm not saying I chugged my grandma's champagne cocktail because I thought it was apple juice at Christmas '98, but I'm not saying I didn't.

Urm, pretty sure only straight men can forward the plot. I thought we all knew that.

Is it bad that the only thought running through my head while reading this story was "Damn, Joe Biden's son can get it"?

Every time someone says "and it's so affordable!!!!" in relation to J. Crew I want to slice them on the face.

Goddammit guys, who spilled the beans and told the Duggars? We were supposed to keep the whole "we're secret Nazis" thing under wraps until The Revolution Is Complete.

Well played, sir. *golf clap*

"That's your fault boo boo, stay in the house" is my new favorite admonishment

On one hand, this is actually very sad. On the other, this is my favorite thing.

Wait hold up, you're a fellow Montanan?

My Spotify will be spending a lot of time in Private Mode after this debuts.

I think the saddest thing about that is that they're clearly really trying to be PC.

Can we be done with the whole "uglie iz sheek" thing? Like, let me know when it's over. kthanxbai.

Vodka just launches me into my award-winning TED Talk, "Men Who Have Dumped Me And Why".

Lady Mary rivals Beyonce in terms of people who just can't with these basic bitches

I mean, I completely get where you're coming from, but I think that teachers of any orientation often keep their private lives "closeted", if you will. I also thought that the whole Grindelwald thing in the seventh book was very homoerotic.

You say movie, I say miniseries. I would tune in weekly for this shit. Snapshot episodes of a pivotal point in each decade.