This might be my favorite Behind Closed Ovens (Behind Dutch Ovens) ever. A well-timed fart is the best weapon! I hope the family from the third story still gets fart flashbacks sometimes.

Crop dusting is the most Christian revenge. You should always turn the other cheeks.

Oh calm the fuck down. If you're getting naked with someone and they're not uttering any of the below;

"fuck me please" "more" "harder" "oh my god" "please fuck me" "again" "like that" "oh please don't stop" "yes" "dont stop" "oh god do not stop" "yes" "yes" "yes" "fuck me" "jesus" "a little more.." "perfect"

You're…

Seems like a small price to pay to prevent rape.

Hey, wait a second...I'm not sure I'm all that comfortable with this.

going on year 3 now and I've never regretted a single day of it! It's awesome and NO PERIODS FUCK YEAH!

Just had my Mirena put in Friday!

So is this more condiments for your total nothing burger?

Sorry but there's no intelligent discourse with people whose opinion is "My sky friend told me you shouldn't do that".

I usually find the "Random female celebrity is pregnant because she touched her stomach/ate a burrito/gained two pounds" stories to be totally absurd, but the Portia/Ellen one is INFURIATING. You're going to say that a woman who has publicly stated that she has no intention of ever having kids AND that she's battled…

But dancing leads to CARD PLAYING! And we mustn't have that.

My face reading the Duggars story:

An older friend of mine likes to tell the story of two of his friends from college who waited until they were married to do anything more than kiss. They never told anyone what happened on their wedding night, but whatever it was, it was bad enough that the woman initiated a divorce (or annulment? not sure which) the…

"So, just to reiterate: the Duggars are forbidden from making bodily contact with men until married, but after marriage they must be willing to have sex whenever their husbands want"

Obviously everyone on this site just hates attractive women. That's why all the posts on Beyonce and JLaw and etc.

Weren't they just yelling at her the other day about interning at Planned Parenthood?

I'll add to the sadness. I saw these at target today.

The first rule of Pie Club is you do not talk about Pie Club. The second rule of Pie Club is we tend to be good on fruit, so maybe consider bringing a nice coconut cream or Pecan next time.

Those taste like the dried organs of dead babies.