Diner: “Can I have the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, beer and the injured player walk-through special please.”

Waiter: “Would you like the special teams player injury or can I interest you in upgrading to a starter?”

I guess Peterson just wanted to switch things up.

Saturday, October 13, 2001. The witching hour. A nervous and sweaty Bill Belichick shuffles cautiously into the intersection between two dirt roads in rural Massachusetts. In his hand is a small tin box containing a lock of his hair, a chicken foot, the bone from a cat’s paw and a sachel of herbs. On the inside lid of…

We all know Brissett will be fine with 3 days of practice and will go 32/34 with 378 yards and 6 TD against the Texans on Thursday because Belichick.

Stuff like this helped his image rehab tour of 2016:

Hhhhhwhat??? Get rid of Fenway? I have sat almost everywhere in that park and I am 6'3". No issues.

You think this is bad? Wait till they start drinking.

Even crazier - Jeter has 5 of them.

Isn’t Detroit the worst thing to happen to Detroit?

As a man, I have a great idea.
If women would like to be heard more in the workplace, when one woman makes a point, the other women in the room should reiterate the idea and credit the initial speaker.

Because he’s not an ambiturner. Can’t turn left into coverage.

Makes sense that the Rams would wear white, seeing as they haven’t scored yet.

“Did he catch a football? No idea. What I know is that if that motherfucker wears 9/11 cleats we’re fining him to the fucking moon. PROTECT THE SHIELD.”

That’s the NFL for you: no one knows what a catch is any more, but the league was willing to go the fucking Supreme Court to make sure Fautleroy Goodell could wave his banhammer around at any player for any reason whatsoever. I can easily envision him in his NFL underoos at home screaming “YOU MUST RESPECT MAH…

That’s nothing impressive, I take the Browns to the Super Bowl 1-3 times a day.

Favre?

So which QB is Bruce Willis?

“HE LOOKED MOWA LIKE ‘STATEN ISLAND’ CUZ HE WAS GAHBAGE!”

As a lifelong Jets fan, I call days like this “Sunday.”

Difference is, you aren’t throwing your hat in the ring for commander in chief of the armed forces.