This thing is broken. I selected a Pumpkin Ale and it didn't even suggest that I try cutting out my tongue and flushing it down the toilet.

Almost all new highway interchanges are built this way using flyovers instead of cloverleafs. Cloverleafs cause numerous accidents as the incoming and exiting traffic must slow down dramatically. The incoming traffic then has very little room to merge into the main highway and when they do they often get rear ended…

You do whatever it takes to go home. It might be snowing but so long as she didn't break your legs, you aren't trapped. Invent a fucking jet pack and fly home for christ's sake.

...the nerve to try and task my wife to help fix this abortion

He was actually just a seat filler so they could give the impression they had a

Usually, the only time you see the Millionaires and the Senators get together is at Republican Congressional Committee fundraisers.

It's despair

But if he plays his cards right, maybe he can get one of these...

When not erect it reads "Strong 4 man but".

Unless Germany is marching at your border once again, sit down and shut up til I need to outfit a college dormitory or a shitty meatball.

So I guess I'm reading this on Jizmodo?

You could always do a quality vinyl wrap to cover only those hideous accent colors....

The words 'hammer', 'nail', and 'urethra' should never be used in the same sentence. Thank you.

Big whoop. My wife's been carrying my balls for years.

Oh wow, I seriously thought this was going to be about her Claire Underwood interview.

You're doing it wrong, Tim. You're supposed to put aloe on the burn, and not vice versa.

I'm not kidding - $5.00 footlongs!

Perfect for Cruising.

Specifically, Kennedy didn't care for the part where she leaned back and to the left.