Naw, she’s Swedish. They’re less sexist than the other royal families. There’s a bunch of girls ahead of her in line for the throne and everyone is cool with it. The dude she married is a London business man named Christopher O’Neill.

I say we make “whatever puckers your nips” a running joke on Jezebel, the way monogrammed thermoses have become a running joke on Kitchenette.

Hey, whatever puckers your nips. :)

I’m a librarian. We don’t care what you read—we’re just happy you’re reading. Promise :)

Blair Waldorf singing “Lovefool” while pregnant with Seth Cohen’s baby.
Someone obviously got their hands on my fanfic...

I think, yeah, absolutely someone will hire you to ghostwrite Naya Rivera’s memoirs.

The staff were worried about the douchebags turning violent (Editor’s Note: Are we sure this was weed? Because that really does not sound like weed. “Violent stoner” is not really a thing)

Sure - it’s actually really simple:

I’ve started turning into a walking ladymag cliche when I buy tampons. I go the whole nine yards—all the tampons/pads/liners, plus my favorite bar of chocolate, a big-ass bottle of red wine, a new nail polish or face mask, and a magazine. It’s kind of fun, because for me the best way to preempt my learned…

I’ve told this story before, but it fits here: When I worked at Large Bookstore No Longer With Us, we had lockers to keep our stuff in, but everybody was too lazy to bring in a lock. So they weren’t assigned—whichever one was empty was yours.

“I mean, I don’t hold it like the Olympic torch and make a sprint for the bathroom in any situation,”

really really can’t believe someone as modest and reluctant to act like she knows best as mallory ortberg found some reason to dislike someone, seems crazy

I know some people have complained about how much love Inside Amy Schumer gets from Jezebel but, as someone who doesn’t have cable, please accept my wholehearted gratitude for posting her clips! The woman is a genius and I love that Jezebel is giving her the shout outs she deserves.

Part of the problem is that Asian/Mixed-Asian/Polynesian/Hapa actors are so underrepresented in Hollywood that taking away literally one of a few parts available to them and give them to a white person is never going to be the same thing as a PoC being cast as a white character. Never.

because white people aren’t 6.6% of the demographics coming out of hollywood. additionally, rue was not recast as someone black, she was black in the books. louis ck’s wife isn’t being cast as someone not black, angelina jolie in salt proved that the film worked regardless of gender.

Yeah, but some people do need caffeine to not get raging headaches (because we have a problem, goddammit, and we’re ok with that & we will pay for that, just don’t fuck with our caffeine, thank you).

Why? You’re hurting the good customers along with the assholes, who paid a lot of money for their caffeine.

When I was a server at the Olive Garden and someone ordered the five cheese ziti, when I went to ask if they’d like grated cheese on top, I would say, “Do you wanna make that a six cheese ziti?” Har har, I’m so clever.

At the grocery store I used to work in we had the opposite of that. There was this really sweet old lady who would come in all dressed up, and buy her groceries. Then when she was done she would hand whoever was working the register a quarter as a tip, so that we could take ourselves and some friends out for a soda.

The Tito’s/Tanqueray thing reminds me of this time back in my mid-20s when I went to this party my then-roommate’s friends were throwing. I didn’t really know the people at this party, but there was free booze, so whatever. I’m making random small talk with this dude who, it became quickly apparent, was a total…