He was charged with "criminal trespass, harassment and disorderly conduct" because he's rich and famous. If he were not those things, he would have been charged with "assaulting an officer, resisting arrest"; and he would have left a couple of teeth on the pavement outside the theater.

We had a Diversity Day in my high school, and one of my classmates, without a trace of irony, raised his hand and said out loud "I'm not homophobic, I just hate gay people."

If someone tweeted a rape threat at you, and you forwarded that tweet to the police, does this imply that you could be on the hook for "filing a false police report"?

Ours were a little more expensive than that because the school wouldn't allow us to have it on school property, so we had to rent a basement hotel ballroom in Tribeca.

Tickets to my NYC public school prom, back in 2001, cost something like $60 each, and we all bitched and moaned about how expensive they were. I wore a suit-jacket I'd bought from the thrift store and spent another couple bucks on subway tickets to get there and back again. $80 grand total.

I'm not a lawyer, does FMLA stand for "Fuck my life, amiright?"

I went to a clinic in LA once that had a groupon for a ultra-noninvasive micro-lipo thingy. They said my belly was too big for that, and then they brought in a surgeon to consult about cutting it all off and sewing my abdomen up instead. I almost fainted when she described how they would "reconstitute the bellybutton"…

I clicked specifically hoping to find out how much electrolysis costs. I have googled around to find out several times without any luck.

Isn't every pen a stabbing pen?

I've got a little bit of a Death wish.

Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel, is one of the most powerful characters in the Marvel comics universe. She is a fighter pilot, who for complicated reasons, has super strength, flight, invulnerability, and can shoot energy beams from her hands.

It's all too plausible that we'll have Captain Marvel in a movie before Wonder Woman... and given Marvel's and DC's respective track records lately, I am totally fine with that.

In film school I helped shoot the special features on the Season 5 DVD set, and the outpouring of emotion that the people we interviewed had for the show was remarkable. One sweet elderly woman in particular, with an enormous 7/11 jug of soda, talked about how the female empowerment message of Charmed allowed her to…

I saw him on the street once and he scowled at me for no reason.

I like this a lot more than I liked Roar. I could do without the spoken word portion in the middle though.

Just a couple years ago my mother, a high powered executive at a university, decided to change her cell phone company, and the schmuck at the Verizon store tried to tell her she was going to need her husband's signature to sign up for a two year contract. She tore his spleen out through his chest (figuratively), and…