I like the ones that pop when you bite down on them. 

I think it’s always so damn cool to see the “best brands” of things in different states. Like when you visit Uncle Fredward in [insert state here] and he says something like “I gotta go hit Dougs Market for some stuff.” And it’s so foreign because you are used to your local stores and then you get there an its like…

Ohhh great... now you tell me. So next you are going to tell me I shouldn’t throw my dairy products out on the day of expiration? 

With a backhand of five furious fingers of fire, followed by a front chest kick.

Apparently you haven’t tried pounding on the bar top and yelling “What am I, invisible here miss? Jezus, I could have poured it myself by now and probably better. No wonder you’re working as a bar tender ya porker.”

(Heard this one about a week ago from a fucking Chad.)

^This guy gets it. 

You know what is really getting my goat these days? These new huge ‘compact’ carry on bags that people are carrying. It’s literally another full size piece of luggage and you are stuffing and mashing that thing in the bin just to get it to fit. Jezus, do you really need that much crap while you sit on your ass for a…

Fair enough. I feel like Mr. Lahey, but I don’t care. I mean my friend, yeah. We call ‘him’ Mr. Lahey. 

It’s still socially acceptable to show up with a half bottle and a full glass already in your hand right? Asking for a friend. 

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That flying fucking elbow though.

I’m dead. Whoa lord.

I used to get sauced and play this game with my brother. One day my dad was watching us and I totally was on a sick combo and fucked it up at the last moment.... blamed it on my brother and in a drunken state blurted out “Well he fucking lolly loo’d the game, fuck off!” My brother looks at me and says, “what in the…

If that isn’t the face of someone trying to hide a fart, I don’t know what is. 

Was that Tank Abbott?

How timely. I just got my first invite to get my free iPhone Xs yesterday! I am so excited. Cant wait to get it in the mail in 2 days. All I had to do was send them my checking account info, my last 4, and my phone number. 

Dood. Come to Boise and I’ll take you carp shooting on the Snake River. Then we’ll go drink a few at a local brewery. Followed by full course meal of tearing up some whistle pigs down south. Just because you fly into Boise doesn’t mean you have to stay. Lets do this!!!!!

Why not Boise? Curiosity is killing me. 

Why doesn’t anyone ever want to fly to Idaho? We never get deals. Ok, well, we get deals on potatoes and rhubarb. But cmon.

The logos look like they were designed by that 3rd year designer who finally learned how to use AI and got a subscription to a stock site that has vector images.