Those of us who don’t want our real tree to die. Who the heck doesn’t water a christmas tree?

My point was that they should only be up for about five days so why bother? Even the fire risk shouldn’t be any more significant in that short a period.

I don’t think you should be allowed plants.

Use a Ping Pong Ball to Tell If Your Solid Aircraft Grade Aluminum Christmas Tree Needs WD-40.

Tom Nook gets a lot of hate for someone who gives you a house and a job after you are too stupid to make living arrangements.

Drew, as a high-falutin’ lawyer, I am here to tell you one whole section of my Torts casebook was devoted to personal injuries where people slipped on banana peels. IT HAPPENS!

American Vandal Season 2 coming soon to Netflix

Paying off your house and putting wo kids through college debt-free is absolutely life changing for nearly all middle class households, dipshit.

Um, a million dollars pays off my mortage, puts my two kids through university, pays off my credit line, and lets me put a chunk aside for retirement -all things I currently pay for out of my wife’s and my income.

I’m not sure how privileged you have to be to think a million bucks isn’t a lot or that it wouldn’t change someone’s life. But there you go.

Your handle checks out.

Trump, is that you?

it’s life changing for a vast majority of the earth’s population asshole

You, my friend, are stupid, rich, or stupid and rich. Whichever it is, I envy you.

That is fucking absolutely savage. I’m actually pretty amazed that they ran this. With that kind of thing, I mean, you must have medical staff waiting in the wings in case there’s a heart attack or something. Someone could die, of disappointment or even humiliation. What are the odds? I mean, imagine going all that…

Only tourists from Iowa or someplace stand on the escalators. Seriously, people who live here have places to go.

You don’t want people to walk on the escalators? How about keeping the ones at DuPont from becoming endless stairs 8 months a year!  

Go to the National Zoo! Free admission ($22 for parking if you need it) and lots of great exhibits and critters, including the pandas, cloud leopard, and a brand new infant orangutan, which is every bit as cute as it sounds.

New one that I guess should have been submitted earlier, for the jackoff tourist near the White House earlier today: DO NOT TRY TO PET THE FUCKING BOMB-SNIFFING DOGS. They aren’t pets, so running over to coo over the cute doggie is a bad idea, and you’re goddamned lucky the DCPD officer with him didn’t throw you on…

“Not since Cougar Town has there been such a repellant title doing a disservice to the show contained within.”

*Pours one out for his beloved Selfie.*