Jeff Bezos texts like he’s writing a new series of erotic novels ebooks.

He IS Trump’s nemesis BECAUSE he’s so much richer than Trump. He’s a legit billionaire. Trump is not. Trump is jealous of anyone with more money than him. Trump is jealous of Bezos, has always been jealous of Bezos, and he’s brought up x-million different ways he wants to punish Amazon and the Washington Post purely…

Or he’s just outsourcing these to an independent contractor working for pennies and he doesn’t have good quality control. Sounds very Bezos. Maybe using Amazon Mechanical Turk.

Some things I think are newsworthy:

Text to my husband this morning: “I think the dog is dying can u come home”

Why is it the commentariat picked up on this but the editors of Jezebel, didn’t?

Buried the lede & missed the point by a mile. This is NOT about Bezos’s excruciatingly-sweet love texts— this is about Donald Trump using his National Enquirer to publicly embarrass his financial nemesis.

WOW how unproductive is it for this site to be publishing people’s texts?! I’m not even a Bezos “supporter” if it can be called that, but sheesh. This is ridiculous - I understand that it’s more about the fact that people will click on the article and therefore a reflection of our society but Jezebel should take a…

NE has been *very* friendly with Trump, who is not at all friendly with Bezos — is this part of a proxy war between feuding billionaires

After a few years of marriage, most of texts between spouses deals with laundry, schlepping kids around or who’s job it is to schedule the plumber to unclog the bathtub. 

Yeah as soon as I saw “National Enquirer” I suspected petty politicking at play.

Please dont harsh on Nicole Kidman dreaming about the life she could have had. Remember she'll never have the pleasure of having all of her children together under one roof

He’s been married for an eternity, it’s ok to be a little rusty at flirting. It’s cruel to mock him when he’s just trying to be sweet. I’m the least poetic person on the planet, if you think hos texts are bad, my lovey dovey texts would probably make you implode with embarrassment. 

I love you so much I choose 1 day delivery.

It’s interesting when viewed from a Trump/WaPo perspective that the Enquirer suddenly has text messages from Bezos to his mistress.

If contacting the lady doesn’t work out, they generally sell praying mantis egg sacs at gardening stores. They eat the bugs that gnaw on your plants. 

They bring good luck... more, the better.

I’m sure Alex was his first choice, but when he tried to propose she kept replying, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question.”

My balls aren’t even that big...

This reminds me of a thing that happened to me in high school: