I'm glad someone understands that "attached itself to the woman's face" is distinct from "started to attack her." I'll be sending this to that sassy librarian with whom I had a brief misunderstanding.

"'A maiden voyage for an oversized 12' would be an incomplete sentence in my Washington classroom."
-Mary Kay Letourneau

Centerplate was named #1 NFL Experience by Stadium Journey Magazine. Unfortunately, since Stadium Journey's lead writer departed, they've had to be rebranded as State Fair Journey.

Greg Glassman's first thought after reading this article is how you forgot the (TM) after Crossfit.

What is clean-up like with a run filled with fartleks?

Some of the Barbie dolls in Charlotte are now thinking there's a local therapist experienced with out-of-control Craig-Ken issues.

"Outdoor games that were 29° or below..."
Just thinking about indoor games played in the cold has the principals of the LFL perking up.

Whoa, at 1:50 what is going on with 12's nose?

Seems Flair might be going senile because when he was asked how many death threats he received he oddly started talking wrestling by saying, "I figure four."

This seems oddly appropriate.

I ran track one year many decades ago, and at that time there was a split was between a "dash" and a "run." To be elite, you had to be able to dash - run all out - for a 400m. If you treat it as a run (with a finishing kick), you wouldn't be competitive. That has changed over the years to where an 800m can now be…

"Whew!"
-Mark Emmert

A little odd was the Alabama couple who had named their child "Spread Eagle", saying they were former Penn State fans.

Chudzinski also had to spend the year overcoming the hiring of Norv Turner.

"A scared horse constitutes drunk driving? We better go knock on some doors."
-Enumclaw, WA police

"Time to give this man his bust."
-every blackjack dealer I've sat across.

"That thumb is red like mine! I wonder if Peyton...no, Peyton wouldn't...Peyton was told...but I was never told!"
-Eli Manning

The funny thing is that Santa is a lot shorter than the six foot John Kuhn.

But at least he can now pretend everyone cares about his fantasy team.

By a sad coincidence, his fantasy team is called the Cremaster Contusions.