Remember the good old days when we all thought Joe Biden was a loose cannon? (note: stolen joke, can’t remember who said it)

Why are you bringing your kids to sports bars? People don’t go to sports bars to be around your dirty children.

I mean, yea... but babies don’t belong in sports bars in the first place. I’m all for people being able to give their baby a jar of baby food while enjoying a meal at a family restaurant, but f*ck people who bring children to adult venues.

I can definitely agree with the birthday celebration crap. With 80 people in an office building, birthday celebrations get to be annoying as f*ck. If I have to listen to a group of adults sing happy birthday to another adult one more time I may stab out my eyes and ears. Also, no one needs that much cake in their…

If you’re dumb enough to think almonds or soy are farm animals, we should be selling you cyanide milk.

Due to issues with high potassium, I now need to avoid dairy milk for the most part (and even almond milk and soy milk have a lot of potassium). Finally found flax milk, which has no potassium, so I can have a bowl of cereal without fear of self harm and I’ll be super f’ing annoyed if it gets booted to another part of…

Uhhh, the hole in the ozone is getting smaller because we actually listened to scientists, did something about it and banned CFCs.

lol, when was driving a cab ever a six-figure job?

The cops could tell just by looking at him? Wow, they must be psychic.

The bf and I get a bottle or 2 whenever we paint a room of the house.... we got a bottle when we painted the kitchen and it somehow became a tradition. The event usually ends with “shit, we better finish painting fast, while I still can... should we order in some chinese?”

So... the guy was sitting around and happened to have a gun. Where’s the second amendment crowd?

That’s why they dump their misery on other people. You take all that inner filth and find someone else to spew it on.

I’ve never been to a bar where opening a tab was mandatory... 

I’ve only had it happen when opening a bar tab, I’ve never been asked to open a tab to eat at a restaurant.

“Better start scouting around for some coupons, Coke fans, or opt for fountain drinks.”

I think all babies are pretty weird looking, but that one is particularly fugly.

“The establishment strain of thinking is to essentially use the Hillary Clinton campaign’s 2016 playbook again:”

I don’t think there’s any such thing anymore (if there ever truly was).

Last I checked, assault was considerably worse than petty shoplifting.

Apparently it’s cheaper than having a properly trained/vetted police force...