So I guess I can stop preloading lotion into my urethra. Good to know.

She was seeing dollar signs as soon as she read it. Fast food chain does something even mildly insulting that will get the attention of the local news? CHA-CHING! Of course she didn't eat it, she was too busy grabbing for the phone book to find a lawyer.

Ugh that song gets me every fucking time.

True story: last week I was eating lunch outside, sitting by myself on a bench. I had just taken a giant bite of falafel when I was approached by two strangers. They informed me they were with a casting agency and they were casting for Dove's next "Real Beauty" campaign activation (still don't know if I should be…

There is no aspect of the story that is not heartbreaking: this woman epitomizes how difficult it is to claw your way out of crippling poverty and the many "damned if you do, damned if you don't" choices one has to make in doing so. Her children were in real danger. Very real, very serious danger, and that should not…

Thanks, Obama!

I need to know more about these stories.

Details about that dream, please.

I had a sex dream a while back with Paul Rudd. I don't want your filthy money! I did it for free in my sleep!

THIS

"Jordan, how do you know which one is you and which one is Lance? Do you ever wake up and think, '...Am I Miles?'"

in unrelated news, i just found a convenient, close-to-home place to kill my brother and make it look like an accident. (he's extremely allergic to cat dander). AAAAND NOW I CONFESSED IT TO THE INTERNET HAHAHA JUST KIDDING Y'ALL!

"When the plane landed, the minor promptly found a TSA official."

My STBX announced he no longer was in love with me and he had feelings for his coworker (who was I thought also a good friend of mine). He went to her house the night he left. He's living there now. With her and her 2 kids.

Erin—Allow me to introduce you to Dede Haislip, a woman married to a man whose internet handle is XgayGreg (yes, he is a pray the gay away type) who not only claimed to be pregnant when she wasn't, but continued insisting this for over 16 months...

THANK YOU! I mean, for the love of ketchup, you JUST MOVED OUT A WEEK AGO. I meet up with you to catch up on the details of the separation, and then you introduce me to your new boyfriend? You're sticking your tongue down this scruffy gentleman's throat not fifteen minutes after I'm hearing about how you and the…

No. This is not racism. There is no troubling history of black folks using whiteface to oppress and marginalize whites. It may be silly and in poor taste, but it ain't racist. Not at all.

Not for nothing, but that photo has the most disgusting bathroom floor I've ever seen. Seriously. I wouldn't shit there.

Oh, I don't have any problem admitting that they're a good-looking couple. I also have no problem admitting that I think they're both garbage on the inside.