Ohmygods, is that why no store employee at H&M will ever greet me or acknowledge me when I enter their store? I've popped in a couple of times to check out tops or dresses, and literally no employees have said word one to me. I definitely am not a junior. I have hips. And boobs. And, well, not a junior figure.

My husband and I tend to travel separately for various reasons. I'll only check into an establishment when I'm out of town as a little casual way to let him know that I'm safe and alive but still enjoying myself. Otherwise, when I'm home, hell no.

All brothers. And I liberally slut it up with my godless, heathen ways. My den of sin is on very desirable waterfront property — on the Lake of Fire.

I won't lie — I completely obliterated a savings account doing this. Thanks, random aunts and uncles, for those occasional $25 holiday/birthday checks over the years!

I've had several, but I guess the first and ultimate moment that helped spawn the others happened six years ago.