I need to thank your friend for my new handle on everything, which is GroundControl2MajorChrist.

Quinoa and organic green salads with all the trendy culinary terms of the moment: anything reduced is good, the word "baby" to describe an otherwise common vegetable is also good. Add some foreign words (frittata, polenta, chapati) and there you have it: stereotypical white food. Could be a new cookbook. The follow up…

Looks like a a PIT maneuver. Sometimes training just kicks in.

It makes a big difference. Makes it taste beerier!

At the Grand Canyon.

I'll crouch in front of him before you do, so that he really goes flying.

I just want to walk up to Justin Beiber and push him.

She's amazing in her seizure video.

So does Betty White.

Ook! ook ook ook. Ook ook. Oooooook!

Maybe magnetic tape,it's in a roll,with adhesive already to stick.

Car Camping is all about improvisation. Instead of magnets, why not just duck tape it in place? That'd keep ALL the bugs out. Use nylon screen door cloth from the hardware store and you wouldn't have to worry about scratching the paint at all.

Lazy mooching infants need to pull themselves up by their bootie straps.

Perfect! A little gunmetal gray epoxy and I will have a stunning U.S.S. Bismarck costume!

RATIONALIZATION

JEZEBEL!!! So I'm thinking of writing a really funny, completely ridiculous book about an aspect of my life. Would you guys buy a copy and/or pretend you like it for pity's sake?

Nice! Now you're thinking with Portals!

That's way harsh, Tai.

Oh for God sake. Everyone knows you wait to do the Birthday Gang Bang at the big 5-0. Ugh. I can't even with this woman.