Synthetic eyes never shone so brightly.

Do these shoes even matter now that a) They weren’t ready when they said they would be ready, and b) once again only the very wealthy will have access to them?

If anything, what Nike managed to accomplish is to show how wide the income gap is under the guise of fundraising.

The reality is that the per-unit cost is…

You clutch them pearls and you clutch ‘em tight.

You mean like when we got to see Jennifer Lawrence’s fat tits, because I remember Jezebel likening it to rape to even look at her.

“It’s still alive, it’s talkin’ shit!”

Your mother. LET’S GO HOOOOOOOOOSIERS!!!

Sure, it looks dumb, but if they’re happy, who gives a fuck? Are we so miserable that we have to snap people down into the muck and miasma of our own shitbrick lives in order to keep order on the world?

Where have you been spending your nights?

The amount of self-loathing in the comments is delictable. If I were a therapist, I’d think it a goldmine.

Never? I beg your pardon. 7.5 inches...around.

I knew we couldn’t get through this without some limp dicked millenial talking shit about Coach Knight because the only discipline they ever faced was not getting a second cup of pudding before mom did her nightly cockstroking of her precious little boy.

Kleenex is a classic example of genericization.

Wow, you must really, really hate women.

Very few schools pay for sports out of academic coffers, period.

Did you order the Code Red? DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED ?!?!

You’re full of shit. There was a great Fantastic Four movie...it was called The Incredibles.

I would also add what I’m sure others are saying: We have yet to see an actual adaptation of Fantastic Four. The Tim Story films were close in mechanics, but casting, script and the use of clouds clearly got in the way.

“But that’s nothing compared to the villain, who has no movable facial features—always compelling, bad guys who can’t move their faces!”

Why wouldn’t Deadspin provide the idiot hot take? The stupid robot wasn’t the problem...we Americans were. If it doesn’t benefit us directly, who gives a shit, ergo Donald Trump’s evergreen popularity.

The goddamn thing was a social experiement into the ability for people to care outside of themselves. Douchebag…

I think Ronda Rousey should make this her first man fight.

It actually starts to reuse that exact monologue, then something happens and its abandoned. Much like the script was at some point.

This was literally the worst article I’ve ever read on io9. In fact, I’m pretty disappointed. FieldTurf is indeed way different than Astroturf, and looks as real as a well-watered lawn in many cases.

Sure there are potential drawbacks, such as the occasional tracking in of the little rubber pellets used to cushion the…