MILLENIAL OUTRAGE!

Let's not pretend like she doesn't have gigantic tits. Looking at her social media, she's not shy about it, not even a little bit. Let's also stop acting like big tits don't rule the world. We have empirical evidence supporting that assertion.

I'm sure you all know more about the game of basketball than Larry Brown could ever fucking know. Keep up those keystrokes, desktop coaches.

Rajon Rondo, a star in the NBA, is shooting 34% from the free throw line. 34 percent. The majority of the NBA today includes goldbricks siphoning paychecks. Yes, I think a man who…

Rousey will beat Arianny Celeste to death. Not in the metaphorical sense, but literally, and she'll do it in less than six minutes.

Better to be pretty and silent than poke the bear and die horribly.

Tell us more, Doctor.

The following is advance footage from Derrick Rose's future 30 For 30 special:

This should be titled, "Local News Anchor Prepares to Lose Her Job."

Athletes, on the whole, lack anything resembling a personality. They're so focused on being professional athletes that they forgot to develop simple things such as a sense of humor or tact.

Media, on the other hand, are forced to cover these empty robots who only want to play ball and have illegitimate children, so…

This here is why so many professional athletes prefer prostitutes. You don't pay them to be around you, you pay them to leave.

So much safety to be had behind the keyboard, isn't there? Yeah, that t-shirt is bullshit, and he'll probably pay for it later, but that payment won't come from any of you internet warriors.

I bet you wouldn't say it to his face, tough guy.

No, you're absolutely right. If a dude did this, he'd be pilloried over at Jezebel.

Given my feelings about the Ohio State fanbase as a whole, I'm pretty OK with this.

Here's a quick translation of what transpired.

The officials just released their statement, via Jerry Jones' office.

No.

I think some people have lived in the city too long. So much softness here.

Actually, the false allegations would be lumped in with general attempts at player extortion, which is more common than is ever talked about on Deadspin. NFL rookies have to take seminars on the dangers of it, so while you may not find a database of false rape allegations, they do happen, and honestly, any more than…

"That's not what happened. I don't know exactly what did happen, but I know that's not what happened."

Welcome to the sum total of American discourse today.

How do you KNOW Bill Cosby is a rapist, did he rape you? Did you see him rape? Because beyond that, your only "evidence" is what you are choosing to believe.

Rape.