No woman will ever touch him sexually unless highly compensated. And even then...he will probably murder her.

OLD TIME HOCKEY.

I just got a seizure. Who should I tell my attorney I'm suing?

Well, Mr. Horse...how do you feel about this snowstorm?

For a man who's expected to lash out and be animated, that one line speaks to more dignity and honor than trash like Pete Carroll or Richard Sherman could ever have.

CLICK THRU BONANZA! GOOD JOB, JEZEBEL.

Honestly, other than making yourselves look like bitter, deceptive and greedy wenches...what was accomplished here? That photography is fake? Yeah...cool story, sis.

Here, I gave you your two shekels.

(P.S. Once again, you failed to note THAT LENA DUNHAM SIGNED OFF ON THE RETOUCHED…

No one hates women more than other women.

NFL players can do better than Brick Weed, Amirite? (I know it's Cleveland and all, but damn)

What I want to know is why is an NFL millionaire smoking brick weed?

So much hate for All is Lost, I can't believe it.

You sons of bitches won't be happy until Bartman puts a bullet in his head. I love it.

Cam looks like he caught the Holy Ghost.

Originality is secondary when it is 100% apropos to the situation.

You stay classy, San Diego.

Others who are interested in remaining with the team, if you catch my meaning.

I mean I know Hitchens said women don't have a sense of humor, but Jesus Christ, do you have to nail that fact through our patriarchal penises?

Or he thanks his old man for giving him the keys to Manhood.

This dad is building a future Heisman. You wanna be the man, you got to beat the man, and that starts when you're young. You want to let your kids be fat, sit on their ass and play Nintendo? Bullshit!

It's like winning the Mega Millions two seconds before you're executed for treason.

The only one he got right was the Niners, which, anyone who'd watched football the past five-six years knows that Seattle doesn't win in Candlestick. So while he's an idiot for picking the other games, you're an idiot for thinking you knew the score. It was every bit as close as Vegas said it would be.