Better than Prince Fielder's new nickname, "Fat in a Hat"

Where's the red dot over Javaris Crittenton's house?

Wait. My ex-wife also has two rings, and she's the biggest bitch of them all!

Drafts, Ranked By Excitement:

He got beat by Dr. Dre

Judge: Mr. Dershowitz, explain again why you had your junior associate strike Mr. Clement with a briefcase?

Travelling or not, she still drives a hell of a lot better than Laura Bush.

This video was even better with the scenic views of Denver. Good thing they didn't have to do this over Cincinnati; their skyline is complete shit.

That's likely the only way to get a Cam to the championship game.

Chris Christie pushes weight around, threatens no exercise.

Buccaneers (staph change)

Throwing popcorn on a dude with a torn ACL is definitely a knee jerk reaction.

It was definitley aqib lock on that drive though.

"Let him think than I am more man than I am and I will be so."

-Richard Sherman

Always a shame to see such a good player have Talib a big game.

Uh, Tim, I don't usually like pointing out Deadspin authors' stupidity here, but it's pretty clear the cut man is actually Perez.

This seems a little backwards to me. I always thought the stadium deflated after a Vikings implosion.

This is just ludicrous. I absolutely cannot believe that Geno Smith was intercepted before coming anywhere near a touchdow—

[Receives vicious blindside hit from Standards]
[Blacks out; fumbles joke]
[Spends rest of life feeling cloudy, with a sensitivity to light, GIF-related humor]

I certainly admire these men's hard work and long hours, but the capitalist in me just can't find the rationale for donating to their cause. I mean, a couple bucks here, some ice cleats there, suddenly round trip airfare to Russia. Where will it end?

Jerzy rubs his naked torso exultantly, mist spraying around him. He leans his head back and releases his primal joy, knowing full well this isn't the last time he'll get blown by a fan today.