I come to this webpage for the big dicks and stay for the big dunks.

But if he beats up the other bad guy, then all us women will become the property of the presumeably honorable guy. Which is what all women want, to fall under the protectorate of the guy who won the fight for your honor. It’s just science, duh.

Even when he does hit Kennedy’s fingers, there’s no lasting damage, since he never hits the same place twice.

the Save America’s Pastime Act

No, I totally wrote that wrong. I meant to say “of all missed shots.” They both have about the same number of rebounds per miss.

I think your first sentence of the second paragraph sums it up

Yep.

One of the most wasted non-drug/alcohol talents of all time. Fuck Swedish-Fish.

Fine, I’ll break the seal here:

I played minor league baseball for a few years back when god was a corporal and I used to make more money in the offseason but I never bitched about it, it was just part of the deal. It was like life - if you want to make more $$, don’t suck.

Baseball is a game of tradition. If ballplayers today aren’t being paid enough they should do what the old-timers used to do-fix games for racketeers.

I hope this turns out better than his stint in the military

I’m so fucking pissed I can’t come up with anything clever to say, he’s clearly still mentally fucked up and it’s been going on since before the whole Incognito thing

I wonder if he made his bed to take that picture. Part of me thinks that’s insane. The other part of me thinks he did because had he not, some of the text would have gotten lost in the folds.

He should have been Incognito.

Go get your help big fella. The rest can wait.

I kinda feel bad for the guy but he should have been arrested for that. He basically threatened a school shooting. I don’t care what you went through while you were making millions of dollars playing football, once you threaten schoolchildren you’ve lost my sympathy. Whatever happens to him as a result is well…

When you are planning to murder people, it isn’t smart to broadcast it via instagram. I’m not a criminal mastermind, but I am fairly certain this isn’t the best way to go about it.

But apparently I’d hit too close to home, because he turned his back to me, the back of his head literally an inch from my face.

The top picture was more a more succinct summation of his dickishness than the tweets.