“They can’t call our President a toddler.”

Every time I hear about that the cat died tragically after being put on a diet. My suspicion is that they died from broken hearts (cats love food more than anything).

“Mr. Trump, I could stand for you undermining me, snubbing me, making me look like a jackass by subtweeting or directly contradicting the spin I was laying down in my pressers, refusing to let me visit the Vatican despite my deeply Catholic roots, giving Sarah my job, making me the fall guy for all of your lies,…

O’Dowd: “Jessica, I really like you.”

There were times where he was the only likable character on that show. How sad, he was so young.

I’m just saying, this kind of thing never happens at a steakhouse.

It makes me laugh that the lawyer you spoke to is called Rachel Green, because she didn’t qualify for an annulment.

Funny story about Michael Caine. I had no idea who he was. I was living in a town he has a house in and we were in a tea shop near the restaurant he has in this town. I was buying tea as a gift with my then-boyfriend and his best friend (both Iranian) who know tea. I don’t drink tea. So, we are buying tea and…

Nope, it’s a coming of age metaphor.
Gravity is your family/relationships/responsibilities/financial pressures. The skin on your fingers and hands is your patience, work ethic, resourcefulness, and outright fucking tenacity.
The blood and rain is stress/politics/inflation/economic changes/expectation.
The necklace was…

I feel the same, but it’s the truth and even Sir Michael admits it.

I was going through old wedding video the other day... and sure enough, Michael Caine was in it.

I feel like my husband and I are always like “who are our friends?” “oh right no one”.

I just noticed today that Comey has very large hands—-I feel like that’s probably the root of what this is all about.

I’m hoping for AG Jeff Goldblum.

ghosts

Yeah, and the only reason she’s semi famous is because there’s an “i” in tits. (See what I did there?)

If you can find it in yourself to make fun of someone for a flaw that they’re in the process of trying to fix, you’re a bad person. The best Gym I ever went to had an orientation before you got your access card: Along with the normal tour and introductions to staff, there was a great 5 minute chat about creating a…

“I chose wrong” could also be applied to the haircut on the left.

Just for fun, I’m going to try to explain this story to my mom.

TwitterAudit Says 67 Million of Katy Perry’s Followers Are Fake