If you can find it in yourself to make fun of someone for a flaw that they’re in the process of trying to fix, you’re a bad person. The best Gym I ever went to had an orientation before you got your access card: Along with the normal tour and introductions to staff, there was a great 5 minute chat about creating a…

“I chose wrong” could also be applied to the haircut on the left.

Just for fun, I’m going to try to explain this story to my mom.

TwitterAudit Says 67 Million of Katy Perry’s Followers Are Fake

I remember when murrican patriots started calling french fries freedom fries, even tho the term is not about France. I remember idiots throwing out French wine that is better than much of ours cuz of frenchiness. I remember, idiots getting up in arms because how DARE another country have a different opinion than us.

Don’t laugh. As an American, this is humiliating. Every childish, bully thing he does is a reflection on us, as a people. The outside world doesn’t see Americans as this split thing of people who voted for Trump and those who didn’t. They see us as one nation who elected this asshole (and there is no better term for…

“According to ABC, one parent posted on social media that students should respect Ryan because he has a fancy job, no matter how much you may want health insurance someday.”

“I don’t want to be associated with a man who puts his party before his country.”

Great advice for all situations.

If you’re doing a show about “the 1% if the 1%”, it’s probably a good idea to figure out if you can afford to do it right ahead of time.

Oh my lard, do you remember when original Fallon (Pamela Sue Anderson) was fucking the driver who lived over the garage, and she comes in early in the morning with her sweater off her shoulders and meets her brother on the stairs going out as she is coming home.

Excellent. Then they perfectly captured the spirit of the original.

Trey Gowdy looks like if Voldemort grew his nose back.

Blake Carrington: Richard Gere

Can your father tell me what lotto numbers to pick? If he’s psychic, I want in. If he just knows the behavior of a narcissist, then I still have some questions to ask him.

I have been asking Director Comey & others, from the beginning of my administration, to find the LEAKERS in the intelligence community.....

I wouldn’t share with you guys anymore that’s for sure - but it’s a moot point given our new milk and lumber war - you’re on your own!

It really does go too far. Because only one of them is assured of health insurance in the event.

“Being naked makes us human” is one of those dumb as fuck things people who think they’re deep and meaningful say.

Would they let him out of prison for it? The next presidential inauguration is not going to be a scheduled event and it def won’t be on January 20th.