Can your father tell me what lotto numbers to pick? If he’s psychic, I want in. If he just knows the behavior of a narcissist, then I still have some questions to ask him.

I have been asking Director Comey & others, from the beginning of my administration, to find the LEAKERS in the intelligence community.....

I wouldn’t share with you guys anymore that’s for sure - but it’s a moot point given our new milk and lumber war - you’re on your own!

It really does go too far. Because only one of them is assured of health insurance in the event.

“Being naked makes us human” is one of those dumb as fuck things people who think they’re deep and meaningful say.

Would they let him out of prison for it? The next presidential inauguration is not going to be a scheduled event and it def won’t be on January 20th.

nop, it’s going to be Omarosa.

“MOCK HIM UP!!!”

Dyscalculia! I’m self diagnosed, mostly to excuse all the times I sobbed in high school algebra.

Most of Mirror Has Two Faces is a middle age fairy tale, which is fine for what it is, but comes across as a real vanity project. It has some very funny scenes and some real groaners. Bacall steals every minute she’s on the screen.

This won’t be a popular opinion, but I have to be honest. Maybe it’s not cognitive dissonance? Maybe they just changed? People can change - thank the gods.

The Party, with Peter Sellers.

Two options: lock him the fuck up or give him immunity so he rolls on trump. Anything else is unacceptable.

everything is scared

I disagree. If someone offered me the opportunity to fulfill my life-long dream of getting to be baby you bet your ass I would take it. Even if I thought it would end up a shit show. Because if I don’t someone else will, they might suck at it more than me. And I want to be the one to wear the dress and do the lift…

This is the speech pattern that grandpa has right before you have the uncomfortable conversation where you tell him he can’t live by himself anymore.

I need to get on to Arrested Development at some point.

I went to school with a guy called Ronald McDonald. Poor bastard. He had that pizza-face acne too. I hope that he has been clear-skinned and happy for many years now.

Fuck Ivanka! She is just. as. bad. as. her. father.