I agree—referring to your spouse as “hub” is pretty fucked up.

Having a completely white kitchen with every single speck standing out would probably drive me to insanity.

I love those teeny widdle poops in the litter.

Hearing about stupid celebrity diets (that you know are lies anyway) makes my stomach lining bleed. I’m thinking of suing.

The dress is white in the front creating an optical illusion.

Man, that picture of them blows me away. They were so much more natural looking back then. And Rob—holy hotness. Plus, Kylie (not pictured) was still wearing her human form back then.

Exactly. The beauty of Midler’s vocals are that they are completely pure. Every note is note beautifully executed without the Celine dramatics or Christina’s overarching melisma. Like Streisand, it’s just completely unadulterated talent without the overthinking that you find in Menzel’s vocals.

I will always remember Martha Stewart for teaching me how to put a chicken to sleep. I have never had a chance to try it, but I won’t die until I do.

He can’t find his asshole because sometimes we can’t see what is in front of us in the mirror.

“Fetish? Do you even know what that means?”

I still think mine should have caught on (a rotten persimmon)

I went the other day to early voting in my little New England town and handed the envelope to the the old dude putting them in the barrel or whatever it was and told him with a small smile “No tampering with that now!” and he growled back “Grow up!”. I assured him I was just kidding but later it pissed me off that I…

Man, dude used to look like this.

It’s the American way.

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty. Life shapes the face you have at thirty. But at fifty you get the face you deserve.—CC

He was really quite beautiful as a young man. Now he’s like Dorian Gray.

That picture of him looks like the physical embodiment of his words, which are pure just-below-the-surface rage spiced with a heaping pile of denial kneaded together with generous helpings of entitlement and superiority.

Excuses so far: “I don’t know them” “Not my first choice” “Just look at her” “Out for fame” and on and on.

The list keeps growing or groping?

“Yes bitches—he’s mine” is everything.