I would start terraforming the Earth right now.

“Schumer Breaks the Senate” is equivalent to saying “Kirk Cousins Breaks the Redskins”. Both were already broken long, long ago by other people, and the subject of each sentence is just trying to pretend to exist, nay flourish, in the charred, ruinous hellscape that remains of each institution.

Pulling her connection like that is like pulling a flash drive without ejecting it first.

Roses are red

Hot take Boris. Don’t forget to kill moose and squirrel!

I work at a small state University and we cannot expense alcohol and tips are capped at 20%. Those rules may not apply at UM and/or there may be ways around them for football, but it’s not as simple as you’re making it out to be.

I can’t help but feel like if this had happened when Obama was president no one would bat an eye or complain about it.

Next step: Adamsology. He’s the LRH of our generation.

This is great an all, but Android Crashes on Boot when Running from SD.

That lil vein on your forehead is popping out, again. Breathe...

includes a nice little pen for drawing on it’s admittedly vibrant AMOLED display.

The jokes have been made, and they are very funny, you guys. So I just came here to say:

A “fucked your mom” joke! I rest my case.

no one should be starring this in 2017...can’t wait to hear your new material on airline food bud

I love these and may rip out the traditional gas logs in my fireplace to replace with these.   (Imagine Santas face as he comes down the chimney to be greeted by several skulls.)

I’d bet that’s what Spicer was doing at the Apple Store last week. The timing of it makes too much sense.

I’m so glad they arrested the guy.

“To my mother, Ayn Rand and God.”
That’s not any less ambiguous without the oxford comma. If anything, it implies that the speaker thinks that their mother is both Ayn Rand and God.

Really? Is this what you've sunk to, Adam? Spreading uncorroborated medical/dental advice from Reddit? Seriously? Apparently, you didn't even bother to read any of the follow-on comments in this reddit post, especially the ones linking to articles discussing why this is rather bad advice.

I once, at 21, attempted to shave my ex's initial (Z) on my mound and tried to sexily surprise him. He started cracking up until he was crying. It was backwards. I don't recommend initial shaving. Ever.