Does he have a flask in there?

He was Hungary Hungary.

Judging by his waistline, his name was Turkey Turkey.

Well, this one time in the ‘90s, my family went on vacation. We have a big family, and a winter storm knocked our power out, and somehow the person in charge of making sure we were all in the airport shuttle miscounted. So I got left home alone for a couple days. No biggie, I found some cash for snacks and pizza, but…

I’m no big city basketball coach, but at some point, I think Great Lakes Christian really should have stopped running their offense through Gre’Shonda Morton.

I wish them the best of luck in the FANDUEL GAME OF SKILL BOWL, presented by Fanduel.

... from a stepstool.

ah, fuck

Did the cops end up shooting and killing your cousin’s boyfriend?

Was this about the pimento’s, it’s always about pimentos at my Mom’s house

Were the laces still in the shoes

You actually died and went to hell is what happened there.

Oh, I went to a sibling’s in-laws. Mother didn’t believe in Turkey. She made a ham. Because we were there, she relented and provided a plate of cold smoked turkey she had bought at the store. No stuffing or mashed potatoes either. Lasagna and ham, green beans and corn bread. And we had to watch the Dallas Cowboys…

5 years ago our family Thanksgiving had shrunk from 10 people to 5, so my parents decided we should go a close friend’s place for dinner. It made sense, no need for my mother to do all that work for so few people.

One time I ran out of wine. And all the stores were closed. That was pretty bad.

My very large Irish catholic family gets together family reunion style at Thanksgiving every year, and descends on my grandmother’s tiny house en masse (40+ people). At Thanksgiving a few years ago, post food, the basement bathroom began to see heavy traffic. A few hours later, the toilet began to overflow turning the…

I would have thought "jake-brake" has more to do with him being the size of a truck. The more ya know!

I wouldn't worry about it, Hawk. Your White Sox will clean that up easily.