This is all amateur shit. Ask me how Don Zimmer got the nickname, "The Gerbil."

I can't even process rap music until Ken Burns does a nine part documentary on it. Until then, and the pictures, for me, it never happened. As Tony Bennett once told me about music:

christ. do you really have to write a New Yorker-length article to express a contrary view of an ad we all understand the existence of, but don't care, because Jeter's probably the most class-act superstar athlete at his level since Larry Bird, or Ali - never mind he's about 5th, 6th or in top tens of almost most all…

Whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

For every job I send a resume to, I send - at this point - thirty-eight resumes at a time. Well, now, make that thirty-nine, because I've been given thirty-nine different opinions on the "right" and/or "best" way to do this including this post.

I still have a push button phone attached to the wall of my apartment that goes "Rrrriinnnnggg.....Rrriiinnnnggg." I have to walk to it to answer it. All it's good for is phone calls. That's what I call a smart phone. It knows its place in my universe. It also keeps my brain in top shape because I can remember about…

"Americans love a winner, and will not tolerate a loser."

Mossberg Persuader 18" barrel pump shotgun w/piston grip. Along with a lovely design and handy carry strap, this gun, which retails for about $500, basically is an all-purpose problem solver, thus, its name: Persuader.

most people are racist pricks too, but I didn't know most of the people in India could all fit into a car that size and drive it, together.

this happens to me daily in NYC. I'm walking down the sidewalk, some asshole comes waddling out of a store onto the sidewalk's center to decide, "Left, or right," and I'm forced to swerve around their oblivious ass into the gutter, off the sidewalk, risking my life at the hands of buses, bikes and cabs, because the…

Nope, she just does what she does well, because she's into it. And she can piss many litres at a time. She'll have skin like an iguana in a few years, and rotten teeth, and a totally fucked up internal plumbing system, but she's a piss queen. It's quite extraordinary. I'm not BSing. She's just very good at what she…

It'd be nice if you knew how to write about this sport.

That last line. Some of my best work.

White Street. NYC. 2002. Mistress Harlequinn's Dungeon. Piss Specialists. They'd make pans of pee gelatin, and tie clients to the wall, and fling piss cubes at the client with spatulas, letting the gelatin slide and slither and melt down the naked man's body and pool at his feet, then, make him schlurp it all off the…

At least it wasn't 18-1. It could have been. Clock doesn't stop for slaughter.

This is why the German player Lamm, and others, criticize klinsman... He's NOT a tactician. He's a motivator! Difference.

This post is racist. Just wanted to get that checked off my Gawker list for today since I'll be watching the game and will miss all the race bait posts here today. Also, all cops suck. That's for the potential cop post today that will show a cop doing something no one likes.

it's got the word "man" in it.

HELP!! Can someone explain to me how Germany and USA - IF they mutually wanted to advance - could play the game to NOT look like they were throwing it?

Thank you, everyone! :-)