I killed Bin Laden.

Ugh, I'm so over it. I hate this hacker crap.

618,000,002

They probably aren't sitting around thinking it, but most people who dedicate this much time to something are fueled by the desire to impress. Relatively very few people give absolutely no thought to being cared about by other people, and we call those people sociopaths.

Well, that was meant to be a joke, but really, the reason bridges are built and wars are waged can all be traced back to one thing: the human desire to be accepted and praised by your peer group and get laid as a result. Of course, how one goes about getting that acceptance and praise is filtered through an…

Dear Dudes (I sexistly assume these groups are mostly dudes),

@Blackagar Boltagon: Ha! You are hearted.

Anyone who can watch It's A Wonderful Life without breaking down into a worthless pile of tears isn't human. This is fact.

I'd be too nervous about missing my stop to engage in sex on the train. Also, trains are dirty. Also, I don't want nasty strangers getting their jollies from me.

@NightElfMohawk: Do they all accuse you of being jealous? That's what I always get. I'm like, really? You think I'm jealous because she makes music I don't like? I hope this post is the bellwether for a Swift backlash. It's been a long time comin'....

This doesn't surprise me. If the person was dumb enough to get caught, they probably didn't cover their tracks very well. Not to mention, almost every company has a policy that states automatic termination is the penalty for sharing salary information outside the company. Especially the salaries of others (I assume…

No Tom Cruise movie is worth this.

He can come hide at my house if he helps me install my new printer.

You'd much rather spend money on a good batch of pot brownies or space cake than go see a 3-D movie.

They should shut down the whole program for the next several years. Fuck your game, a kid is dead.

@applejuice: See? We can't even figure out how fictional time-phones would work!

@applejuice: I wonder, when using a time-phone, if when you call someone on your contacts list... you have to specify the WHEN of them you would like to call. Like "I want to call my boyfriend, but not the him from college, the him I just talked to a few days ago that is presumably existing back in the future right…

No no no, the far more plausible explanation is that someone in the future invented a time machine, traveled back in time to the set of a Charlie Chaplin movie, brought a cell phone from our time along (not a futuristic blue tooth ear piece cell phone, mind you, a regular hold-to-your-ear one like we have right now),…