Or I have to be up really early tomorrow and you have bad breath. Gimme a break, I'm not a machine.

@InSinSeer: As of today I know the SEC has contacted Texas, OU and A&M. I would love to see Texas in the SEC. They definitely used the Big 12 as a crutch to over-inflate their value.

@AnneV6: Oh and oops, I forgot the rest:

1 Timothy 2:11-12

Don't they know the only thing worse than being a woman trying to make it in business is being an ugly woman? Sheesh. Way to set yourselves up for failure, guys.

How about you just let me have this one little thing before I slowly rot away from the cancer I'll get at 75 if I'm lucky? Mmmkay?

Er, yeah, my mom threw my dad out of the delivery room when she was having me and I fully intend to do the same. It's a nice idea to have him there, but I have zero desire to poop myself in front of my husband while screaming obscenities - gotta draw the line somewhere.

Ugh, reason #4,567 to be jealous of Jennifer Aniston and her perfect arms.

In the wise words of Eminem, "You're stuck, just like me. Can't go to fucking Chuck E. Cheese. I can't go to Target, I can't go to Best Buy. I can't go to fucking Wal-Mart, K-Mart. You fucking name it, I can't go there."

@maude_flanders: I thought that WAS Mila Kunis and for a second the one to her right looked like Catherine Zeta Jones.

@mightymomo: That sounds like as good a reason as any.

I dunno, I find it immensely more annoying when people overuse "lol". It's started to take on a life of it's own as a phrase. If you're friends with any high school kids on facebook, you know what I'm talkin' bout. As in:

@RedLantern: Yeah, it doesn't bother me in itself either, I mean I get why it's hot. But when girls are only doing it for the benefit of the men watching... you can definitely tell. It's really just drunken face mashing. And it's gross.

Ugh, God. You know, I think Snookie is pretty adorable, but there is nothing less sexy than watching her MASH FACE with another girl for the amusement of the men around her.

@kaiwhakamarie: Yeah, I've been having a lot more luck lately, but I've found my role of devil's advocate isn't very fitting for this place... it can get scary.

@andBegorrah: Yes, I know, I'm very familiar with the goings on. I'm familiar enough to know that ever having to appear in a Gawker or Jez post would be my worst nightmare.

In Candace's defense, you have to admit the tone of most Jez and Gawker posts is a very sarcastic and biting one.

@babyteeth: Obviously everyone has a personal anecdote about how other people respond to their bodies.

Aren't Irish people allowed to use the N-word, because they're the black people of Europe? Eh?

@HannahBethD: Your mom and my dad would be friends. My dad likes to remind me that Jennifer Aniston is something like 3 inches taller than me and ten pounds lighter. He also points out calories to me on labels.