My first thought was, meh, at least it wasn’t a finger. But I’m from Broward. Maybe Lake Wales folks are fussier.

I’ve been waiting for the next Florida story to share this! As a former Floridian, I can attest to the truthfulness of the crazy, as retold in this interview with native son, Carl Hiaasen. Enjoy!

Like, seriously, who would give her that much credit? She's not a Regency earl's son, expected to come into wealth in the future. She's.... well, whatever she is.

Nope. She's... odd looking. Oh well, since nobody's offered me bazillions for my looks I probably can't throw stones at her particular glass house.

...and this isn't DC, it's Missouri.

Right? And when I was in architecture school, my assumption was that the guys I would have the most trouble with were going to be the redneck contractors. Nope. It's the macho-man architects every single time. Ugh.

The story may be apocryphal, and yet, still true...

Whew. I knew it was in trouble when I saw the trailer - can we please stop with the Dark 'n Gritty (tm) reboots already? Ugh.

I think you'll find you're mistaken there. He'd clearly pull a Palin and force his poor knocked-up daughter to carry the baby to term, all the while talking about the importance of choosing life no matter the personal difficulties. Imagine the political hay he could make off that story. Even better if the baby has a…

Looks like an R rated Crucible. No thanks.

You should try the New Orleans version then, “hurrication”. Used in a sentence: "I can't start working in Baton Rouge yet - all I brought with me were beer-themed t-shirts because this was just supposed to be a hurrication!"

“Instead, it is the officials who released the police records about Josh and his young victims who are the focus of the family’s anger. “

I recently read a description of the dreaded flower crowns, touted by one of the idiot fast fashion executives, as evincing "Woodstock chic". So. The chic of stomping in mud puddles and fucking in a cow pasture.

My daughter never received a penny for her teeth - she got crayons, coloring books, cool barrettes, and other assorted shiny beads and baubles. I never felt comfortable trading her body parts for cash. Sometimes I left a little sprinkle of glitter on her pillow so she would think the tooth fairy had left it.

Meh. Her last concert series had an entire section of Roma music and dancing. I’m sure this is just a spin-off of that. After all, it's all about Madonna, so it doesn't matter whose culture she appropriates. /s

My governor, ladies and gentlemen! Would that he HAD suffered a fatal stroke that day. What a tool.

OMG. Why?

I don't know, I'm thinking that's pretty much the devil's MO. Make us do the hard work, then just give us a tap in the right direction.

Like Prince Fortinbras in Hamlet? The Norwegians could just step in after all the assholes kill each other off and offer tidy things up for us.

But how far back does he want to go? Like my grandmother just sort of sidestepped over the Canadian border and moved in with her sister (who at least had the good grace to marry an American). Think he’d send me back to Canada? That might actually be a good thing, right? How about the grandparents who came here legally…