Don’t forget drugs/alcohol! (The former is dependent upon how small the town is, obviously.)

The board voted against adding any program in April 2012, Carr said, because “it’s small town USA and they thought they didn’t need it.”

So much wallet rage. I don’t even know where it all comes from.

Mine was actually a gift—I really like it, but it’s Kate Spade so it’s probably a lot more than I’d usually spend on a wallet. The last one I had, which I liked though it was a bit small, was a little Vera Bradley one (also a gift) that attached to my keys. I seem to recall that when I saw some in a store they weren’t…

This seems like a nice opportunity for me to express how much I hate cell phone wallets. Specifically Target cell phone wallets. Even more specifically, the fact that apparently EVERY WALLET AT TARGET is a cell phone wallet, some dinky little coin purse thing that’s not going to hold all my crap, or something that…

I know you were referencing her username but I think I might just use “you crazy biscuit” as my new favorite term of endearment.

This is the only reason I don’t own maxi dresses. I’m too lazy to get them hemmed.

Rebuttal: It’s in the upper 70s/low 80s this week and I’ve been wearing tights all week because I’m too lazy to shave my legs, and if I just had a good maxi dress/skirt I could let my legs be free but also continue to be lazy. I wore my one maxi skirt on Monday and I was very happy with it for this very reason.

I don’t know about you, but I reject all unnecessary luxuries. “Pamper” myself? Piffle. I never eat out; I make all of my own meals from lentils I’ve grown myself. Nice clothing? Some people don’t even HAVE clothing, you heartless yuppie. I make my own dresses out of discarded newspapers I find on the metro. I don’t…

Ah yes, I’ll just whip out my Korean skills and have a pleasant conversation next time I get a manicure at one of these places. Problem solved!

I’m pulling for Chuck, personally.

Repeat after me, everyone: Friends don’t let friends wear flatforms.

Ring: Nah. A small tattoo of a dot on the underside of the ring finger

This dress is some wonderful tutu-y nonsense and I love it.

“You’re never disappointed if you don’t have any expectations.”

Ooh, good point. Maybe it’s only sticky at the edges and in the middle, not where the eyes are?

What the fuck is this? It's badass and amazing is what it is. I wish I had a fancy party to wear this to because I love it even though it's probably really itchy and hard to see through. (This picture is giant but ALL THE BETTER TO SEE ITS AWESOMENESS WITH and also I don't feel like resizing it so deal.)

I look forward to seeing many more stories with the Poor Allen tag.

The actual result is meh, but the description is perfect. I love it.

Yup!